THE ART OF INFLUENCE
The seminar for forward thinking companies
We define influence as, “to have an effect on others”, and persuasion as “the art of elegantly crafting your communication to ensure that your requests are accepted to deliver success”
Influence is the ability to utilise these elements in a relationship to allow someone else to begin, or to change, a behaviour pattern. It usually happens outside their conscious awareness and may, or may not; lead them to change their mind. Persuasion is the ability to get another to change their mind through the use of argument, reasoning and leverage based on the conscious values expressed by your communication.
Influence and persuasion are often used interchangeably, but the unconscious levels of the process are generally under emphasised. At these levels you access powerfully conditioned mechanisms which pull your conscious mind in one direction or another.
Influence is present almost all the time; when you ask a friend to grab a loaf of bread on the way home, when you brush your hair, when you apply perfume or aftershave, when you request assistance with your studies – then in each instance you are attempting to influence another.
When you wish to impress someone, to negotiate for something better or, to buy and sell, you engage in definite and conscious acts of influence and persuasion. These are the means that our culture has adopted to make things work smoothly, organise our lives, make decisions and resolve disputes. The media, advertisers and other promoters use effective influence and persuasion to raise product awareness, form opinions and increase market share for their clients.
Over the centuries, influence has encouraged belief that something is there, even when the human eye cannot see it. When you consider religious faith, regardless of denomination, and you believe in something intangible, you are being influenced by what that creed has taught you. Through historical writings, word of mouth instruction or other means, your ideas and ultimately your behaviour, have been fashioned to form an integral part of your core identity.
Your existing beliefs are continually bombarded by influence. Thousands of people have given their lives for their beliefs. Huge battles and moral victories have been won by the influence of great motivators. Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul II, Winston Churchill, Adolf Hitler, Margaret Thatcher, Bill Clinton, Mahatma Gandhi are examples of just a few famous influencers in recent history. They have affected human behaviour by changing established paradigms.
Just a generation ago, the whole idea of beaming real-time sound and live television pictures around the globe or, the fact of children as young as five having their own personal mobile telephones, would have seemed like fantasies. Any significantly advanced technology can appear magical to the uninitiated and the secrets of influence and persuasion may seem equally mystical at first sight. When you become aware of the ‘secrets’ employed by master communicators, you can accept their power as a matter of course,
During this seminar your delegates will discover the basic processes, which underpin the most influential situations that you encounter in your life. From the moment of birth, your immediate environment and contact with other people has shaped and influenced your decisions and choices.
Your parents, family, friends, peers, colleagues, lovers, acquaintances, teachers and partners, have influenced you. You have been exposed to influence and persuasion with each buying and selling transaction, with each journey along a supermarket aisle and with every visit to a petrol station forecourt.
Influence extends beyond the material of commodities and products. It gives impetus to ideas, imagination, thoughts, targets, self-belief and your quest for knowledge or confirmation of your views. This seminar is based on the concept that your life is the way that it is, as a result of the impact of influence and persuasion that you have already experienced. It empowers you to make the most powerful and ethical use of those forces, based on enhanced awareness.
You will discover why television commercials are so powerful through their use of words, music and images to create the aspirational desires that lead to sales
In most areas of human endeavour, we seek to move away from pain or discomfort and towards pleasure. Master communicators capitalise on this instinct, which transcends all socio-economic barriers, to influence desire, thought and action. They habitually show a stressful situation which is transformed to pleasure by the use of a given product, service or philosophy. Charities use similar techniques in their fund raising appeals, but they add another dimension. They utilise our innate desire to help others by suggesting how a small sacrifice of ‘just a couple of pounds a month’ can alleviate pain for an underprivileged group.
Master communicators have certain beliefs and particular behaviours. As you begin to understand the laws and patterns of unconscious influence, when you practice the techniques that we offer here, and then apply their laws to your life, you will become a much more powerful and influential communicator and persuader.
Your brain works most effectively when learning is fun, during this seminar your delegates will learn the ten most effective ways to influence and persuade, for fun we call them the 10 commandments of influence and persuasion
The ‘original’ biblical 10 Commandments are in The Old Testament; Exodus, Chapter 20. It is written that they were given directly by God, to the people of Israel at Mount Sinai, having delivered them from slavery in Egypt:
Those original commandments, inscribed on tablets of stone, provided a framework. The 10 Commandments of Influence & Persuasion are a framework of guidelines, guidelines that you can adapt to each and every area of your life.
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF INFLUENCE & PERSUASION
Introducing the 10 Commandments of Influence
If you think that laws are made to be broken, or even bent to breaking point, think again.
COMMANDMENT ONE: Deprivation:
When thou hast something within grasp and it is denied, thine desire to have it is significantly enhanced until it is wanted even more than before.
COMMANDMENT TWO: Inception:
Thou wilst more willingly accept thine own ideas, so doeth others, so give them the chance to believe that they thought of it first.
COMMANDMENT THREE: Reciprocity:
When thou art given something, thou wilst have the desire to offer something of equal or greater value in return.
COMMANDMENT FOUR: Commitment:
When ye make a commitment of thought, word or deed is made, the unconscious drives towards a closure.
COMMANDMENT FIVE: Association:
Thine mind seeks to make associations between unrelated items and, having done so is reluctant to let go.
COMMANDMENT SIX: Proof:
Thine human psyche is conditioned to seek approval of superiors, peers and subordinates. When approval is given, the behaviour is replicated.
COMMANDMENT SEVEN: Comparison:
Thine desire can be stimulated by simple comparisons, regardless of their stature and whether they are favourable or otherwise.
COMMANDMENT EIGHT: Polarity:
For every situation there is an equal and opposite view that ye can use to provoke a negative or positive response.
COMMANDMENT NINE: Scarcity:
When thou hast anything freely available in abundance ye shall perceive a lower value than something of equal worth that is in limited supply.
COMMANDMENT TEN: Elevation:
When thou hast entertained a product or concept at entry level, ye will be open and ready to upgrade when the chances arise.
THE 10 COMMANDEMENTS OF INFLUENCE
Introducing the 10 Commandments of Influence & Persuasion
If you think that laws and commandments are made to be broken, or, even bent to breaking point, think again.
There are some seemingly misguided souls who perceive certain laws as a challenge. They do not often look beyond the obvious legislation to see the reasons behind them, which are usually based on the common good or, at least they have cohesion and the common good in mind. Instead, these individuals may set out to break the law if they think they can get away with it or, at the very least, they attempt to bend it almost to breaking point.
Because you have chosen to read this book and incorporate its information within your thoughts, your actions and your life, you may have identified yourself as being an observer of laws. Perhaps, in younger days, you thought of speed limits as targets rather than advisory warnings of potential danger? This is alright; I am sure we have all done things that seemed fine at the time until we learned to do otherwise through various experiences that demonstrated cause and effect.
Experience is the key reason why you should never, ever, be tempted to doubt the validity of the 10 Commandments of Influence & Persuasion. They have been synthesised from detailed analysis of the behaviour patterns of master communicators, both living and long gone. They are based on millions of dollars worth of research by the world’s major advertising agencies. They are coloured by the findings of eminent psychologists from Freud and Jung onwards. They are formulated from practical observation and experience.
This background research and work have been done to give you have a head start. These commandments are used, tested and proven by business executives, academics, professionals, psychologists and philosophers. They have done the foundation work so that you do not have to.
You are in a position to stand on the shoulders of giants. Right now, please commit to applying these commandments to the best of your ability and to then practise and develop your use of them until they become second nature.
That commitment is not to me, after all, I have no way of checking. Your commitment is to the most important person in your life. It is your commitment to you.
Your results will be the measure of your success in keeping that commitment true.
With that understanding, you are ready to discover and use, The First Commandment of Influence & Persuasion.
COMMANDEMENT ONE: DEPRIVATION
‘When thou hast something within grasp and it is denied, thine desire to have it is significantly enhanced until it is wanted even more than before’
This Commandment Applies to Needs and Wants
We should begin with the observation that this commandment is not universal. Consider the situation of a nervous patient arriving for a dental appointment in a state of fear, apprehension, or similar. Although they may have no immediate pain, they expect and anticipate that the experience will be unpleasant in some way. The dentist takes a quick look and announces that no further treatment is needed. So what was all the fuss about?
Although an uncomfortable or painful situation was being imagined and was potentially within grasp; it was denied. Unless the patient had a thought process that somehow related the endurance of pain with a removal of guilt – perhaps from a childhood experience of being chastised for bad behaviour – they certainly would not attempt to persuade the dentist to satisfy that expectation of pain.
Perhaps the first commandment should state that ‘all commandments do not apply equally to all people’. The Commandment of Deprivation then, can be slightly modified to apply only to ‘something’ that is needed or wanted. Only then, does it become a powerful influencer, persuader and motivator.
In these opening lines we have already referred to a patient’s expectations and childhood experience. The science of influence and persuasion cannot be expressed as a straight line like a motorway on a road map. It is rather a network of deeply inter-related strands, veins or roots, like the unclassified roads and bridle-paths. The components of influence are a complex maze, where some paths are dead ends, but others will be inter-connected and eventually trace back to their source or entry point.
It is clearly necessary to simplify and expand the commandment without damaging its integrity. Then we can consider how it can be used to influence others. The corollary is that ‘any commandment – including these 10 - that can be used to influence us can also be used by us to influence others’. Most of these influential and persuasive forces are first experienced in pre-school years.
The Commandment of Deprivation Begins in Childhood
Children have an instinctive need for safety. This has been well researched and documented since the earliest days of studying the science of behaviour. It has been identified as a core requirement, inherent in mankind throughout time.
This need is seen in a child’s preference for an undisrupted routine or rhythm in a predictable and orderly world. Although children are too young to make any comparative judgments about their lifestyle, those from rich and poor homes alike show the same negative reactions when parents or siblings display unfairness or inconsistency, even if such traits are only manifest in teasing playtimes. They will have frequently become confused and upset until balance is restored.
Once aware of this intuitive need, parents and others may seek to influence undesirable behaviour or naughtiness by using temporary deprivation, although this is probably not a term they would use. The stressed or pressured Mum or Dad might threaten to remove a much loved toy unless the child is good. If that threat is carried out in a loving and caring way, the child’s desire for their possession will outweigh their desire to be naughty and they simply stop doing whatever led to the confiscation. It takes only a few experiences for the child to learn that ‘if I do this, then that will result’, a learning that is frequently carried over into adulthood and may be manifest in attention seeking behaviour which is, in itself, another method of applying influence.
A few parents may take the more dangerous path of temporarily withdrawing love and care. It is dangerous because the child cannot initially distinguish between temporary or permanent deprivation and, although they will get the message, they may have difficulty forming loving relationships in maturity as a result.
The Commandment of Deprivation at Work
A substantial minority of employees in any organisation will seek to make their lives easy by doing as little as possible. The employer who clearly wants optimum productivity will use a variety of incentives to encourage their workers to deliver whatever their job descriptions define and, ideally, to go the extra mile.
The 1970’s and 1980’s saw a dramatic rise in the popularity of work study based incentive bonus schemes, where a worker could enhance their basic pay by 30% or more if they attained prescribed output targets. Such schemes still exist in some manufacturing industries but, because they can be costly to introduce and difficult to maintain effectively, they have largely been replaced by a ‘package of benefits’.
Here, in order to attract staff of the right calibre without adding to the bottom line of their payrolls, the employer will offer privileges and inducements beyond mere salary, at the outset. Now the Commandment of Deprivation becomes highly effective. Unlike the earlier bonus schemes which added to a basic situation, productivity is encouraged by the progressive removal of privileges if expected targets or standards are not consistently reached.
Although this may appear very negative at first sight, it is an approach that uses deprivation exceptionally well. An employee will usually strive to create a good impression when they begin a new job. They will enjoy the rewards and privileges which soon become their normal expectations. They are well within grasp. If the risk of deprivation becomes real deprivation, the employee will want those benefits even more. They will work to do all that is needed for their reinstatement and, in so doing, will invariably exceed their earlier best personal performances.
The ancient ‘carrot and stick’ concept of reward and punishment would only work if the donkey was eventually rewarded with the carrot. In the scenario that I have just described, the carrot is given in advance but then removed if behaviour falls below what is expected.
The Commandment of Deprivation Demonstrated
Good sales techniques use the Commandment of Deprivation extensively. Great sales technicians develop an awareness of psychology with a focus on actions and their results rather than on the theory. They walk in their customers’ shoes for a while. They discover that their needs and wants may be different from the traditional demographic data. They explore, test and use all 10 Commandments to create customers and, as a result, they meet their sales objectives.
Consider the case where a customer, who has spontaneously found a ‘want’ or has been exposed to effective advertising and marketing materials. The desire builds in their mind until it becomes so powerful that they begin to seek out local stockists and then set off for the shop. Consider the following imaginary dialogue:
‘I would like the XYZ Gidget please, in bright red’
The customer has already been sold on the desire before going to the shop.
‘An excellent choice. This is one of our most popular lines, mainly because it has so many features for the price’
The salesperson confirms the customer’s judgment and choice which enhances the desire further.
‘Yes, that’s what I thought when I read the reviews’
The customer is now at peak desire and seeks to strengthen rapport with the salesperson by agreeing with and accepting the confirmation of taste.
‘I’ll just check the stock on the computer’. Oh, I am sorry; we don’t have any left in red’
The Gidget has been within grasp. Now it is being denied. The desire becomes even more pressing. The salesperson is keen to capitalise on this by appearing helpful and offering some alternatives that bring the Gidget back into the arena of fulfilment.
‘I can offer you black or silver from stock, or, if you prefer, I can get a red one from another branch and deliver it to you today on my way home.
The customer is relieved to know that the pressing want can be filled and readily agrees to the last option. The sales transaction is completed to mutual satisfactions.
‘Thank you very much. I am sure that you will be happy with your choice. But, if for any reason you need me, just give me a ring on this number [points to receipt] Your bright red XYZ Gidget will be with you at about 5.30.
Customer is reassured, now their good choice and judgment of product and shop have been confirmed. Their desire is maintained and they will eagerly anticipate delivery. Because the salesperson understood this Law, they saved the sale.
The Commandment of Deprivation can be self inflicted too. For over a decade I was a competitive athlete. I followed a rigorous 16 week training programme before a major competition. I knew that this time must be used to get down to, and maintain, an optimum weight and fitness for peak performance. I don’t really care that much for chocolate. I can take it or leave it. However the moment I began my strict training programme, I really wanted that chocolate, I had a great desire for it.
Almost immediately the desire kicked in for an evening of chocolate snacks. By the time of the competition this desire had reached its zenith. It was only subjugated by an even greater desire to win. After the medal ceremony, where this well trained, slim and disciplined athlete earns gold, there is just one thought bubbling under the euphoria of winning. It is to head for the nearest sweet shop to buy a few bars of chocolate.
In my own clinical practice I am reminded daily of the Commandment of Deprivation as I assist clients with smoking cessation or weight control programmes. They enjoy smoking and eating respectively. Unless I provide a strong supportive antidote [which of course I do!] the deprivation of their previous habitual comforters will only enhance their desire for them, thus making the objective more difficult to acquire.
Now you know why there is such a high attrition rate for smokers or obese individuals who attempt a DIY nicotine replacement regime or diet. It is not lack of willpower or ‘won’t power’, it is simply a manifestation of The Commandment of Deprivation.
COMMANDMENT TWO: INCEPTION
‘Thou wilst more willingly accept thine own ideas, so doeth others, so give them the chance to believe that they thought of it first’
The Commandment Applies to all Ideas
We all feel great when we are praised, when our ideas are listened to with interest and, when others generally indicate that they are impressed by what we do. These fundamental human needs for acceptance are central to the effectiveness of the Commandment of Inception which illuminates and enhances our ego.
Idea originators are held in esteem and used as role models when they develop those ideas into actions that make positive change to the lives of millions. They are seen as smart, innovative and creative. Richard Branson’s empire started with the idea of beating established record labels at their own game by creating a new distribution method using mail order. Ray Kroc found a new way of selling hamburgers internationally through his McDonald’s idea. There were other car makers in the early days, but Henry Ford was the father of mass production methods.
The commandment becomes truly influential when others are able to believe that they came up with an idea, even if they didn’t. They desire the peer recognition and positive strokes that result from ‘their’ concept and will be highly motivated to ensure its success. After all, they are hardly likely to criticise or resist something that they thought of.
The Commandment of Inception Begins in Childhood
When left to their own devices, pre-school children at play will immediately assume one of two clearly defined roles. According to their nature, and to some extent nurture, they will either be leaders or followers.
In very general terms, leaders will frequently come from a home environment where they are encouraged, within the bounds of behaviour that is acceptable to the parents, to explore self expression, to learn by making mistakes and to have a say in their choice of toys, food and even clothes. Because they tend to be involved in more adult activities and influences, children without brothers or sisters – or those who are the eldest sibling – will represent a high proportion of infant and juvenile leaders.
The parents and guardians of such children must walk a sensitively balanced tightrope for, without some discipline and constraints, these youngsters may easily become typical ‘spoilt brats’ and, in extreme cases, bullies.
These young leaders will have often expressed good ideas and enjoyed the resultant praise, approval and encouragement of their powerful parental role models. They will become used to experiencing the nice warm glow of acceptance and achievement so they will seek to replicate by developing even more new ideas. It is a powerful self perpetuating cycle.
It is from such pre-pubertal seeds that later learned behaviours blossom. Most teenagers exhibit a strong awareness of the art of influence on both their peers and parents, although they may not use it consciously, they will almost certainly use some elements of the Commandment of Inception as they seek to get their own way.
The Commandment of Inception at Work
In a working environment, individuals who have reached a decision making position will very soon become aware of this commandment. It is commonly recognised as the opposite of the ‘not invented here’ syndrome that creates resistance to new ideas.
Some management consultants have enjoyed good and profitable mileage by recognising this tendency, taking ideas from other sources and then gradually integrating them into a client organisation by planting the notion that they were actually conceived as the result of client input.
Quite apart from the logical, quantified and measurable interests that stakeholders may have in the implications of any new concept or recommendation for change, there is a powerful drive that involves this commandment. At a basic level this means that the individual or team who originated an idea will have a vested emotional involvement to see it succeed. It may well have impact for their personal career progression but this is not usually their main motivational consideration.
If they thought of it, and even if, through outside influence and suggestion, they only believe that they thought of it, they will rate it highly and endeavour to ensure that it delivers the intended and promised benefits. This is because they have a high degree of ownership of the idea.
This ownership is totally lacking when change is imposed from outside. Then the introduction of such externally influenced ideas and ideologies may be sabotaged or, at the very least diminished by the very people that are crucial to their success – the ones who have to implement and follow the new procedures. The British National Health Service [NHS] has been subjected to more ‘re-organisations’ than almost any other organisation. Politicians of every persuasion see reform of the NHS as potential vote winner, not least because of its ‘cradle to the grave’ duty of care which most of us experience from time to time.
When front line NHS staff; the specialists, doctors and nurses, are given a say in the running of their hospital, they work hard to ensure that any changes are for the patients’ benefits. It has been proven that clinics and wards with clear ownership and responsibility can become centres of excellence and models for other specialties, even in hospitals that otherwise score low points on the published league tables of efficiency which are usually measured in purely fiscal terms.
All large organisations claim to operate democratically and to engage in full consultative processes with their employees. Those that do actually practise this philosophy and apply the Commandment of Inception, tend to succeed.
The Commandment of Inception Demonstrated
The application of this commandment can create win-win situations and is a systematic method for dealing with resistance.
When a master influencer and persuader is meeting objections to an idea or proposed action, the simple technique of allowing the other person to believe that it was their idea will invariably ensure its acceptance. Both parties win. The influencer achieves their objective whilst the person accepting the idea receives the resultant kudos. People do not resist their own ideas and will commit to them fully.
The Commandment of Inception is commonly practised in a selling situation where a master persuader, the salesperson, will engineer conversations so that the customer verbalises the good ideas and resultant benefits, thus claiming ownership of, and commitment to them, which results in a sale.
Consider this overheard conversation in a car showroom:
‘You clearly need a more economical car’
The salesperson had already elicited this information during the initial discussion and is simply confirming it
‘This model will halve your fuel consumption compared with your present car. With the resulting cash savings at the pumps, you would be able to use this one more’
Confirmation of the prime benefit
‘Yes, I could use the money I save by taking the family for more days out at the weekends’
The customer has been led to come up with a ‘spontaneous’ suggestion
‘We could even take the dogs with us because there is ample room behind the back seats’
The customer is now visualising the enjoyable weekends to come
‘That’s a really great idea. I’m not a pet owner at the moment, so hadn’t thought of that. Do you mind if I mention this feature to my boss?
The soundness of the idea is confirmed and, by asking permission, the salesperson bestows its ownership on the customer
‘Of course!’
The customer implicitly accepts that the idea is his or hers to share. The salesperson casually flips down a screen in the back of the car and pops it back into place
‘That twin DVD player built into the back of the front seats will keep my kids occupied’
The customer is still visualising the family weekends out and is now verbalising benefits that will enhance the experience.
‘You are absolutely right. Although the makers include it as standard on this model, they don’t feature it heavily in their advertising. It is a brilliant device that will make your driving safer because the children won’t distract you. With your permission I would like to raise the idea of promoting this angle at our next staff meeting’
Ownership of this new idea is bestowed upon the customer
The more that you use this commandment to influence others, the more alert you will become to instances where it is being used to persuade you to take a particular course of action.
You can practise the art of the Commandment of Inception in your own home. Potential marital conflict can be avoided by freely offering the basics of an idea and allowing your partner to develop it as they consider the possibilities. After a suitable period, you can then relinquish ownership completely by saying, ‘I have been thinking about your idea for redecorating the bedroom and agree that....’
Now you know why I sleep in a cool, light, natural coloured bedroom instead of the pink one that my wife originally fancied.
COMMANDMENT THREE: RECIPROCITY
‘When thou art given something, thou wilst have the desire to offer something of equal or greater value in return’
The Commandment Applies Universally
Unlike our first commandments, which required some degree of persuasion by the person seeking to influence another, this one triggers a totally automatic response.
You will observe that our commandment says that the recipient of something will have the desire to return the compliment, not that they will immediately do so. As a persuader you have just two tactics here. You induce reciprocity by making a gift of goods, services or time. Then you simply make it easy for the recipients’ instinctive desires to be fulfilled.
Most of us have experienced that sinking feeling when we realise that someone has sent us a greeting card at Easter or Christmas and that we had somehow missed them off our own list. We immediately seek to respond by getting a card into the post as quickly as possible or, if we have missed the date completely, by writing letters or making phone calls of thanks.
Smart marketing professionals make optimum use of the Commandment of Reciprocity by offering free samples. Although the intrinsic value of such items may be low, as in the case of a free sachet of shampoo, the effect will be great. Whether or not you actually use the sample, you will have some recall of the brand name the next time that you are shopping. Perhaps, without consciously being aware, you will choose that newly familiar name and packet and the sample has done its job, by inducing reciprocity and increasing market penetration of the brand.
The Commandment of Reciprocity Begins in Childhood
The notion of reciprocity is instilled at a very early age. Children as young as two are taught that it is polite and good to share their toys, snacks, space and time with their playmates. A little older, they may still not be able to read, know or pronounce the word reciprocity, but they sure know the meaning of swapping and exchange. ’If you give me this, I will give you that’. By now they will understand that favours given must always be returned if a friendship is to be maintained.
At secondary school, the pupils will discover that the returned item does not have to be in kind. When help is given with uncompleted homework, the recipient may respond by sharing their lunch box or candy bar or, arranging an introduction to a fancied pupil of the opposite sex. It is important to note that some of these transactions are simply examples of trading but, reciprocity is often implicit whenever trading, buying or selling occurs. Most youngsters have a keen awareness of fairness, but aware and responsible parents will ensure that their offspring don’t seek to swindle their friends by emphasising the concepts of justice in fair exchanges.
Some behavioural scientists use ‘idiosyncrasy credits’ to describe reciprocity. These credits accumulate in an emotional bank account where deposits are made when you make a gift or do a favour and withdrawals happen when you are on the receiving end of a favour. Again, the rules dictate that all transactions must be mutually rewarding to both parties.
The Commandment of Reciprocity at Work
This commandment is based on the powerful human instinct to share. It is enhanced through education and example and thus becomes deeply ingrained behaviour.
It is most commonly, but not exclusively, used in a sales and marketing environment. As long as the object or service given has a perceived value, it does not have to be directly related to the product or service that is being promoted. Charities will frequently send out ball point pens with their appeals, not from some altruistic motive to make it easy for us to complete their standing order, but out of an awareness of reciprocity.
Bookshops will distribute free extracts from newly published volumes. Some sample chapters may even offered as free internet downloads. Almost any business can distribute calendars, diaries or drinks coasters. In my own practice I offer free newsletters which contain valuable self development suggestions. Other professional practitioners distribute free reports. The items being given do not always have to be artefacts. One of my colleagues regularly invites potential clients out to lunch at his favourite restaurant, secure in the knowledge that this will induce reciprocity.
It can be safely assumed that the desire to reciprocate rises with the value of the gift that induces it. It is self evident that there are quite low cut off limits to this paradigm, since, if extended ad- infinitum, everything would be donated instead of being sold, in the expectation of a bigger corresponding return.
Until now we have been discussing the deliberate use of the commandment to facilitate the recipients’ desires to respond. Some psychologists with a heavy new age bias, suggest differently. They claim that the commandment is enhanced when one gives with absolutely no expectation of return. They believe that this purity of gifting ensures that the Universe or Universal Intelligence will bestow abundance as a reward. As this theory is almost impossible to prove in clinical trials and depends on personal testimonies for evidence, you may wish to explore this avenue elsewhere.
When you visit any major trade show or exhibition, you will see that the busiest stands will be those that offer ‘goodie bags’ containing small objects of desire along with sales literature which make it easy for reciprocity desire to be converted to action.
The Law of Reciprocity Demonstrated
In most UK towns, you will encounter individuals who thrust a small bunch of heather at you with the plea, ‘Have a lucky heather dearie’. If you accept, you will be asked to return the compliment by, ‘Got any small change dearie?’ This is not a strong reciprocity situation because your intelligence will tell you that, if this scruffily dressed individual has a basket full of heather and is clearly not enjoying good luck, then one small bunch is unlikely to change your fortunes. It is easily intellectually dismissed.
For reciprocity to work, there must be perceived value in a situation that your common sense will accept as fair and logical.
Here is another unsolicited street approach:
‘I would like to give you this book, it is absolutely free with no strings attached’
Offers book which most people will accept if it is positioned anywhere near their hands
‘No thanks. I do not usually read very much’.
Resistance at having one’s own thoughts and journey interrupted
‘Please, it’s a gift. It is yours now’
The offer is repeated with implied transfer of ownership
‘OK, thank you’
It is easier to accept so that you can get on with your errands
‘Could you please make a small donation to my charity/religious group/ organisation’
You are invited to reciprocate
There are other areas of reciprocity which I should mention for any marine engineers or photographers who may be reading this book. Our commandment is not the same as the principle that causes a reciprocating marine engine to work, although there are mechanical similarities as the pistons move forward and back in equal amounts. When a colour film is significantly over or under exposed, reciprocity failure will occur, to result in some highly unusual colourations and distortions.
If books and films like The Godfather have any basis in fact, then it appears that organised crime ‘families’ have reciprocity down to a fine art although here the desire to return a favour may be rooted in fear rather than awareness of this commandment. By all means accept gifts and samples in the spirit in which they are given. Be aware that this commandment will invoke in you the strong desire to reciprocate. It is a good idea to avoid people who wish to ‘make you an offer you cannot refuse’.
COMMANDMENT FOUR: COMMITMENT
‘When ye make a commitment of thought, word or deed, thine unconscious drives thee towards a closure’
The Commandment Applies Universally
Because this commandment is ‘hard wired’ into every human, you do not have to make a conscious effort to comply with it. It follows that the converse is equally true; to break it will require conscious effort. As a practitioner of influence and persuasion you will seek-effort free ways to achieve your desired results so, instead of inviting others to break the commandment, it is always better to use it to your advantage.
Although the commandment of commitment applies to everyone, the unconscious drive has various levels of strength. As a result, some individuals will do whatever it takes to follow through on their commitment whilst others may have a less powerful drive and can be deflected from closure by the next bandwagon that rolls past their door. They will however, feel uneasy about this at a deeper and, usually, unconscious level. Your task here is to assuage their unease.
About now you may be wondering, ‘commitment to what?’ It doesn’t matter! The commandment works regardless of the ‘what, who, why or when’. Commitment has two extremely close cousins in consistency and compliance, so we need to establish this family context.
Consistency simply means that we possess an innate desire to be, and appear to be, consistent with what we have already done. Once we have made a choice, taken a stand or expressed an opinion we will act to justify that decision consistently. Our actions will lead to compliance with our need for consistency and thus fulfilment of our commitment.
To influence and persuade you simply use the components of this process. You start with the objective of whatever you wish someone else to comply with. Keeping this in mind, you accept their need and their urge for consistency so, you seek their commitment.
The Commandment of Commitment Begins in Childhood
Almost as soon as you could speak you learned how to tell lies. This is hardly surprising as most of the fairy stories and nursery rhymes that you were exposed to are pure fiction and it is difficult for an immature mind to differentiate this from truth.
It was not too long before you realised that you could tell lies to avoid punishment for naughtiness but, with inexperience, these fabrications were so obvious that your parents could see right through them. Then you deserved double the punishment, once for the original misdemeanour and secondly for lying about it.
The next stage of development brings us to a crucial point concerning commitment. There are two possible sources. Commitment can be imposed externally and, in childhood may even be backed up by threats of recrimination. ‘I want you to always tell the truth because I shall be really angry with you if you tell fibs’. Because Junior already knows that an angry parent is not nice to be around, he or she will accept their imposed commitment to truth.
The second source is the more powerful. It is self commitment. The child recognises that being caught out in a lie is an unpleasant experience so makes their own commitment to truth, even before a threat is expressed.
When you seek to influence and persuade, it is this self commitment that you will seek.
The Commandment of Commitment at Work
To appreciate the formidable force of commitment, you need an awareness of a few finer points.
Just as self commitment is more effective than the externally induced variety, so a written commitment is many times more powerful than a mental one. Similarly, a public commitment will deliver better results than a private one.
Although less is made of it now, you may recall that a few years ago, just about every major corporation had a written mission statement. They would display it with pride in their premises and feature it in all their promotional materials. A mission statement is nothing more than a written, public, commitment to superb service, to excellence and to high quality. The reason that this procedure fell out of favour was not due to any flaw in the commandment, it was that all too often the mission statement was too grand to be delivered. If the entire workforce did not subscribe to it, then it was not worth the paper it was written on. It was externally induced in the worst possible way. With no person or individual to induce it, just an ‘organisation’, it was soon seen for what it was, a statement masquerading as a commitment.
I once visited a major company and, whilst waiting in their plush and luxurious reception area, I read their poster sized mission statement which was hung in an impressive gilt frame. It began, ‘We are committed to the highest possible levels of Quality Assurance’. The only problem was that although the poster was the right way up, the frame was obviously mounted upside down. So much for their commitment to quality!
The majority of writers and speakers in the field of motivation and self development agree on the importance of having personal goals. Although they may express it in different words, there is a consistent theme which states that ‘a goal that is not written is just a dream’. They well understand the power of a written commitment.
As a result of our research and work with clients in smoking cessation, we know that a written commitment to quit is infinitely more powerful than one that is just held in the mind. We have also demonstrated that when the client goes public, to peers and friends, about their commitment to becoming a non smoker, their drive towards closure is significantly enhanced.
The Commandment of Commitment Demonstrated
To summarize the story so far, you will be seeking self-induced commitment, preferably in writing and, ideally in public. You will use your awareness of the drive for consistency and compliance.
There is another important factor. It is your understanding that achieving a truly powerful commitment is a process and not a one-off act. You begin by gaining a commitment to a relatively minor and apparently insignificant act which, thanks to consistency and compliance, opens the way for commitment to progressively more important issues.
Because charity fund raisers are expert in using this commandment, here is an example from one of their telephone scripts.
‘Hello Mr Blank, how are you today?
They have used your name to immediately establish a degree of familiarity. Knowing that you will usually answer a non-threatening question courteously, especially to someone who knows your name, they have elicited the first step to a commitment in just seven words.
‘I am fine thank you’
You have made a verbal and public commitment by confirming your wellness.
‘I am really pleased to hear that, because I am calling on behalf of ....’
Because of consistency and compliance and your confirmation that you feel fine, you will be receptive to the callers request for a donation or to participate in a doorstep collection lest you appear mean, stingy or non-caring about people who are not so fine and within the context of this apparently social exchange.
When this approach was put to a statistical test, the positive responses overwhelmingly outnumbered the refusals as long as the caller waited for a response to their opening question. If there was no pause for response or no enquiry at all, the success rate was less than 18%
Some charities will ensure an even higher commitment and positive response rate by using another technique a few weeks earlier.
You are stopped in your local High Street and invited to sign a petition against child cruelty, medical research on animals, hunting with dogs ... or whatever. There is absolutely no suggestion that you should offer financial support. All you are invited to do is sign the petition and to validate that it is genuine by adding your house number, postal code and telephone number.
Two weeks later you get a telephone call like the one quoted above. This time you have already made a written commitment to the cause by signing their earlier petition. The commandment of commitment kicks in and you agree to help because you are being driven by the need to act consistently and to comply.
Of course the application of this commandment is not limited to charities. It is extensively used by market researchers who need your details to confirm that you have actually completed their questionnaires and who may follow up weeks later with an invitation to order one of the products that were discussed during their ‘research’. Doorstep sales representatives are particularly astute at getting you to commit to listening to their presentation by signing an innocuous appearing piece of paper in advance of any pitch.
This commandment has a couple of stings in its tail. The more difficult that it is to make a commitment, the greater will is your unconscious drive towards its closure. You may see a press advertisement for a concert being given by one of your favourite performers. It tells you who, where and when but deliberately excludes any mention of ticket prices. You call the booking enquiries number because you have already self committed to find out more. You are invited to press various keys from a menu of options and your commitment increases. You are then told that ‘your call is important to us, you are being held in a queue and an advisor will be with you as soon as possible’. Your self commitment is now so high that you will probably buy the tickets and pay the extra booking fee, regardless of the price – especially if you are told that there are only ‘a few seats left’.
Some commitments have a massive dose of public display. An organisation that has distinctive uniforms will extract far higher levels of commitment from its acolytes and disciples than one that has none. Religious orders of monks and nuns that have an informal dress code may attract more liberal minded recruits but they experience higher attrition rates, measured in terms of turnover, than those with strict and traditional dress codes. The garb or habit is a highly visible public commitment.
Pupils in schools with a strict uniform code will find it far easier to create a commitment of loyalty to the establishment’s ethos and acceptable levels of conduct than one with a free and easy casual approach to dress. The founders of the various units within the armed forces are well aware of commitment being enhanced by uniforms. Even a slight variation of insignia, which may only be noticed by fellow soldiers, sailors and aircrew, can significantly raise commitment to the regiment, fleet or squadron. Here we have evidence of commitment to a common purpose ... the defence of our country, but also to a specific function within that purpose.
Although these examples of conformity to enhance commitment are invariably imposed by external forces, similar phenomena are also found in self-commitment. Nobody forces football supporters to wear replica strips of their favoured team, and yet millions of them do. Nobody forces youths of certain ethnicity to wear hooded sweaters and a given brand of trainers on their feet, yet millions of them do. Other examples include fraternity rings in US colleges, the ‘old school tie’ in British public schools, lapel badges and blazer badges which may mean little to the uninitiated but speak volumes to peer groups.
Allegiance to any group or organisation is thus publicly indicated as an outward sign of inner commitment to the common purpose.
Commitment to a certain lifestyle, or at least the aspiration to that lifestyle, is similarly displayed in public. Clothing manufacturers have not been slow to pick up on this phenomenon. Our grandparents may well be horrified at the thought of wearing labels on the outside of their clothes and yet some individuals will pay a premium price to acquire clothing that is heavily branded.
Now that you know how this commandment works, you may want to think twice before you respond to any unsolicited telephone calls, doorstep sales pitches, petitions , advertisements that fail to give you all the information and so-called ‘good causes’
Using This Commandment to Influence and Persuade
You must always keep your prime objective, goal or outcome in mind. Because, as we indicated earlier, the most powerful commitment is one that is written, you should write your own aims clearly and concisely so that you can review them and refresh them in your own mind before any meeting, telephone conversation or encounter with those who you wish to influence.
For the same reason, you should always strive to get their commitment on paper. In olden days it may well have been true that a gentleman’s word was his bond. Now however, people expect the gravitas and security of a written and signed document or even an email confirmation of a commitment to an agreed course of action. It is worth noting here that you can easily discern an individual’s probable level of commitment by looking at their desk. If pencils predominate and notes are written in pencil, then that person probably has difficulty committing to anything and may well change their mind frequently. When pens and markers are in evidence and notes are written in ink, then you have evidence of an attitude of confident commitment
Whenever possible, encourage others to write, in their own words, the benefits that can be theirs when the follow a suggested course of action. To return to our smoking cessation example, potential quitters have a much higher success rate when they list all the benefits of being tobacco free for themselves. The act of writing reinforces their mental commitment and of course, their determination to be consistent and compliant.
It is not unusual for a couple to be in a complete haze during their wedding. There is so much going on around them as the culmination of all their plans that they may say ‘I do’, with a focus on getting the words right rather than making a heartfelt commitment. It is only when they have to sign the register in front of witnesses [written in permanent ink and in public] that the enormity of their commitment really sinks in.
The power of this commandment is also used in warfare. When the Nazi party held power in Germany during World War II, their members were repeatedly encouraged to vocalise the imagined evils of the Jews to enforce their commitment to the cause of the ‘master race’ and to make anti-Semitism an acceptable paradigm. During the Korean War, the communist Chinese would encourage their prisoners to write down extracts from political essays to win small prizes of an extra portion of rice. The rice was simply a motivation to gain the written commitment which, due to consistency and compliance would result in acceptance of the political philosophy.
You will use repetition to strengthen a written commitment, this will accelerate the process towards closure. For instance, you may wish to remind a hesitant client that they signed a card to request more information about your products and services.
Do not overlook the importance of time in the commitment process. Earlier we mentioned that commitment is strengthened when it is made more difficult. Double-glazing sales representatives are notorious for using this aspect. They know that the longer they take over their presentation, the closer they will come to getting a commitment to buy on their order pad.
Supermarket managers know that a queue at every checkout may annoy some determined customers who know exactly what they want and have a mission to buy it and escape. The small numbers who will defect to a local shop or filling station outlet – where they will happily pay a slightly higher price to avoid waiting – will be significantly offset by the patient housewives who will buy more, the longer they stay in the store. Now you know why the high volume everyday items are usually placed furthest away from the checkouts. They must be accessible but only with a degree of time commitment.
As an influencer and persuader you will develop an acute awareness of just how far you can stretch the difficulty and time frames before they reach the point of no return and no sale. Make it too easy and the commitment may be too vague to translate into a buying decision. Make it too difficult and it may be lost altogether when annoyance overrides commitment and desire.
To return to an earlier comment about branding and the loyalty that people display as a form of commitment to their chosen brand. Once you have acquired a client or customer, you will seek their commitment to loyalty to prevent them defecting to your competitor. When the various charities involved with breast cancer research got together and branded themselves with a pink ribbon, the numbers of donations increased enormously, the media ran special ‘pink ribbon’ editions of their programmes and magazines and people wore their ribbon with pride.
Whilst you may draw the line at such blatant displays of commitment, you will certainly enhance commitment to your ‘brand’ when you offer free newsletters that are ‘exclusive’ to your clients, lapel badges that can be worn at appropriate seminars, conferences or events and even certificates that can be displayed at home.
Master influencers and persuaders are not content to use just one component of commitment. They will frequently stack them high. Consider the situation of an initial meeting between a seller and potential buyer. It invariably begins with a handshake which is an age old indication of trust and thus a level of commitment to treat one another ethically. Names will be exchanged and used almost immediately with an enquiry about health and wellbeing [see the charity script above] During the ensuing discussion, the seller will use physiological gestures that suggest and presuppose agreement – nods of the head, smiles and confirming body language. At an appropriate stage it will be time for the seller to seek something in writing and will offer a pen for the signature and a diary date of the next meeting. Before that meeting, the seller will strengthen the commitment further by sending a letter confirming their discussion.
There is now an element of emotional commitment. The buyer will be receptive because the seller has offered their time and effort.
COMMANDMENT FIVE: ASSOCIATION
‘Thine mind seeks to make associations between unrelated items and, having done so, is reluctant to let go’
The Commandment Defies Logic
You have certainly overheard rema
