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00:00:00:18 – 00:00:30:05
Elliott Wald
My name’s Elliott Ward, addiction specialist. And welcome to Coming Clean with me. Our special guest today is Ross Mac, deejay promoter. He runs his own events company. He’s been clean for over nine years for mind altering drugs. Ross, thank you for coming. I appreciate you being in the studio with me.

00:00:30:07 – 00:00:37:23
Elliott Wald
So let’s kind of go straight in to listeners about yourself. Ross.

00:00:38:00 – 00:00:46:24
Ross Mac
Yeah, My name is Ross Mac. I’m a yeah, you kind of said, what do I eat for in clubs over 30 years? I started running events when I was 13 and I was.

00:00:47:01 – 00:00:48:06
Elliott Wald
How old are you?

00:00:48:08 – 00:01:06:00
Ross Mac
43. Okay. I can’t believe it. Right. And, And I was in clubs when I was 16 years old. Two deejaying clubs was a bit different back then. 16. I was in milk clubs, and I’ve been doing that ever since, really. And I promote and run my own parties as well. And then when I got clean, I started my own events company.

00:01:06:02 – 00:01:34:08
Ross Mac
So we do corporate stuff, we do weddings, we do yacht part is other stuff abroad. Wow. Everywhere. So yeah, I’m really lucky by upbringing because I’ve been in the club in industry. I kind of bring that industry into the kind of, you know, like the events and people wanted to proper party. So upbringing, all the guys I work, we’ve over the last eight years that probably went through a lot them kind of events that deejays emcees that wouldn’t really come into it because, you know, so we kind of bring a different element into it.

00:01:34:08 – 00:01:35:10
Ross Mac
So yeah.

00:01:35:12 – 00:01:47:06
Elliott Wald
So to take me back to when you first started getting to your addictive patterns through drinking and through using Coke, what was that? How did that start for you?

00:01:47:08 – 00:02:08:02
Ross Mac
I think for me it was when I was five because when I was five I was expelled from my infant school and I was just I was just crazy. And, you know, I was kicking teachers and I was just really naughty. And for me, that’s where my journey started. You know, I’ll be All of You was young. And I remember my mom down to school, which was it was kind of like walk you stop.

00:02:08:02 – 00:02:26:21
Ross Mac
And I’d be sat somewhere and I’ll just walk out. Lost has to walk out. Class has gone sit in like they’re outside of gang field. And I just, you know, my brain just took me way. So now I’m older and I look back and I’m clean. I’ll look anything bloody. You know what I was like, you know, when I’m sat down, like, you know, it was born this content and I’ll go into my pants, you know.

00:02:26:23 – 00:02:36:15
Ross Mac
And so from an early age, for me, it was like that age where, you know, there was, there was issues where I was just, you know, quite crazy. I was put in a special school and stuff like that. And yeah, so.

00:02:36:17 – 00:02:43:05
Elliott Wald
I’m pleased how that turned out because when you say start of five, I was thinking, fuck, you know, he’s out of the classroom like, you know, Yeah.

00:02:43:05 – 00:02:55:01
Ross Mac
Now, no, I didn’t start so I didn’t start drinking probably till I like 11, 12. Okay. Like, you know, like you all do at that age. And, you know, I started using recreational drugs. I didn’t start too late to lose about 16 because.

00:02:55:03 – 00:02:55:24
Elliott Wald
You think that late?

00:02:55:24 – 00:03:16:11
Ross Mac
Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know it’s scary, but I thought as well I didn’t start so I never I, you know, all of the Elmina Zemo era, you know the like the just say no. Yeah I you know and I come from a really good background, a really nice, normal, loving family. And we were, you know, we were brought up drugs of all and, and all that kind of stuff and you got to 16 and, you know, for me, it’s just something that you do and you try it.

00:03:16:11 – 00:03:27:10
Ross Mac
But, yeah, you know, I’m a really addictive very thing. So yes not I got good thing for me, but so 16 I was already joining clubs so I had drink drugs and women at that age I thought, you know, I thought I’d.

00:03:27:10 – 00:03:29:12
Elliott Wald
Arrived on much of my day life.

00:03:29:17 – 00:03:30:10
Ross Mac
Yeah.

00:03:30:12 – 00:03:49:23
Elliott Wald
And, you know, being in that scene of clubs when it’s just everywhere, right? I was funny because I’ve interviewed other deejays, one of the one of the deejays. I know they know that you know him. Deejay Pat Wilson. Yeah. Nice guy. A lovely guy. And he said, you know, there were times when he got paid in drugs.

00:03:50:00 – 00:04:03:12
Ross Mac
Yeah, well, I used to work for someone, and he. Yeah, same age. Said, hey, my money would just give me, give me. Yeah, give me some. Yeah. And in the end, actually in the end he did pay me because I owed him say to ladies.

00:04:03:16 – 00:04:14:14
Elliott Wald
what’s your working and someone’s paying you a gear but then you’re using so much gear. Yeah. That you go on sick. Yeah. But you don’t even get paid to go to work. Yeah.

00:04:14:14 – 00:04:17:03
Ross Mac
Yeah. So you just turn up. Just to. Just to cover what? You. yeah.

00:04:17:06 – 00:04:33:09
Elliott Wald
I hear that story a lot, to be honest. Yeah, You know, I remember I’ve got a client of mine who unpacks a lorry in a warehouse, and he works like six nights a week. He worked through the night, and he always picks up a full tequila, full gram every evening before he goes to work like a hundred quid.

00:04:33:11 – 00:04:39:09
Elliott Wald
And he was like 120 quid a night. Yeah. And it’s like the end of the week, you know, after you tax. What were the fuck you got left.

00:04:39:09 – 00:04:48:15
Ross Mac
Yeah, I’ve heard that friend of mine. It’s a good night job on to pay, obviously, for whatever is lost, obviously where you’re drinking to use. And he was only laughing because he was just sniffing it.

00:04:48:15 – 00:04:57:14
Elliott Wald
All right. So, so it started off using at the clubs and then it got to what level of usage, how frequently?

00:04:57:16 – 00:05:15:17
Ross Mac
Well, it’s anything, you know, you don’t start off you know, you start off there and, you know, so, you know, from 16, it just I wouldn’t even say when I start using it, you know, like I wouldn’t have had all it arrived. But, you know, I’m really addictive, everything that I do. So I’d never run before and I tried start running.

00:05:15:19 – 00:05:27:23
Ross Mac
And, you know, I’ve done three miles and I’m doing like six miles week of I’m never doing more than that. Then to do a half marathon, I’m doing marathons, you know, So everything I do is just, you know, obsessive. And I’ve done triathlons. But on the love.

00:05:27:24 – 00:05:28:24
Elliott Wald
Post, I’ve.

00:05:29:01 – 00:05:49:06
Ross Mac
Just yeah, just like, you know, and I’ve done the London Triathlon and then I’ve cycled up cycle to Paris. I’ve done. And I always remember thinking, I, you know, I’m really focused like I’m really strong willed. I can do something, but I know. No, I know the drink drive, you know, power over it. So, you know, after that London marathon, I was sat in a room of my own staff in gear in a hotel room.

00:05:49:06 – 00:05:54:13
Ross Mac
And after the triathlon, I actually took two grams of gear for the for the way home. You know what I mean?

00:05:54:13 – 00:06:05:07
Elliott Wald
And so, anyway, you spent all this time training for this triathlon because, yeah, I’ve got a client of mine who does ultra marathons and things like that.

00:06:05:07 – 00:06:06:11
Ross Mac
So I’m a first out tradition.

00:06:06:14 – 00:06:33:19
Elliott Wald
You know, I’ve done for you. And you spend a lot time, you know, thinking about eating, getting the right sleep, the right nutrition, letting your body rest, exercising, running, rehabilitating, and your so fucking focused on this. And the moment you finish, you were celebrating. Actually, not even the moment you finish because you’ve preempted this, because you’ve taken it with in anticipation of using it.

00:06:33:21 – 00:06:35:10
Elliott Wald
And the moment you finish you get in on it.

00:06:35:14 – 00:06:50:19
Ross Mac
Yeah. So yeah, I took a couple of minutes at a triathlon, the London Marathon. I finished and I went back to my hotel room and just but, and it like for me it was always like, this is a treat, you know. And I think people talk about all the time, you know, I’ve had a really hard day. I’m going to treat myself at a really good time.

00:06:50:20 – 00:07:06:05
Ross Mac
Going to 12. Yeah. And, you know, I never thought I’m going to get on it, you know, And I never didn’t I mean, like, I know I made that decision. That decision was made for me. So, you know that they all think, fancy market on it. And I always did. What was your question of this bypass?

00:07:06:09 – 00:07:12:08
Elliott Wald
But my question was in the heart, how often would you use it?

00:07:12:09 – 00:07:27:14
Ross Mac
So yeah, so I was explaining just how obsessive I am. So, so with everything, you know, it’s like I’ll just take it to the bitter end. so, you know, early days, but up until I would say like the age of, like 1920, like I started using on my own, so I was only a few years in.

00:07:27:18 – 00:07:31:03
Elliott Wald
So after only a couple of years, you’ve gone from social.

00:07:31:05 – 00:07:31:14
Ross Mac
Yeah.

00:07:31:19 – 00:07:33:02
Elliott Wald
To anti-social.

00:07:33:03 – 00:07:38:07
Ross Mac
Yeah. Yeah. And I love in a husky voice, by the way.

00:07:38:08 – 00:07:39:13
Elliott Wald
Thank you.

00:07:39:15 – 00:07:40:24
Ross Mac
I know it’s not on purpose.

00:07:40:24 – 00:07:56:23
Elliott Wald
It’s the dedication to being here, to helping people, to having them listen and helping them get over their addiction by taking some inspiration from these podcasts, some of these shorts. They help somebody out there because that’s what it’s all about, 100%.

00:07:57:00 – 00:08:06:04
Ross Mac
So yeah. So even, you know, I was never a Twitter user, probably because of the amounts I use and because of, you know.

00:08:06:07 – 00:08:08:01
Elliott Wald
You were binge I that what you binge.

00:08:08:01 – 00:08:26:16
Ross Mac
Yeah. So, you know, first of all it was like one day a week is like two days away and just Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Yeah. Then it’s like, you know, first you know, and then, then I remember, I remember using a weekend and thinking get to the end of it, you know, thank God that’s over, you know. And then, and then I usually Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, you know, so I’ve used a weekend, I’m using Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

00:08:26:16 – 00:08:28:10
Ross Mac
So there was no, there was no Pacific.

00:08:28:12 – 00:08:41:16
Elliott Wald
Let me pick up on that. Let’s say it was going to be a Thursday, Friday, Saturday binge, right? Yeah. So what would you start with? Would you start with the course you’re going to go through? Would you start with small quantity and then keep buying?

00:08:41:21 – 00:08:49:01
Ross Mac
If I if I knew I was going for like that, I’d probably on it. Guys, I’ll pick up my pick up ten off of m ten. Ryan’s. Yes.

00:08:49:03 – 00:08:50:11
Elliott Wald
Ryan. Tim four grams.

00:08:50:11 – 00:08:54:22
Ross Mac
Yeah. So four grams because it was before double the point, it was kind of kind of like the point stuff come out.

00:08:54:22 – 00:08:55:22
Elliott Wald
And, you know, love me.

00:08:56:00 – 00:09:05:13
Ross Mac
Yeah. And I remember people saying to me, those point stuff’s really good because you don’t to use as much. But I mean, that makes a difference to me what the key is like. So I need to you, you know, so, you know, I’ll pick up ten shipping.

00:09:05:13 – 00:09:07:07
Elliott Wald
Up to £100. Okay. So we’re talking.

00:09:07:07 – 00:09:16:10
Ross Mac
About. Yeah, well he’s do me a deal because I buy bind ten course. Yeah. Yeah. So by me it was that I, it was like secretive Graham back in them days.

00:09:16:12 – 00:09:22:05
Elliott Wald
You’re lashing out £600 at the very, very beginning. Yeah. Because you know I’m all in.

00:09:22:05 – 00:09:33:21
Ross Mac
Yeah, I’m all in. Yeah, you can tell me a bit. There was a bit less than that, but it was, it was ten groups out buying it. And I thought, well, you know, like we have a guy on a boys one, you know, the boys might want it and they end up doing it all on your own.

00:09:33:21 – 00:09:41:19
Elliott Wald
So you go out with the idea of buying this. It’s a split between us. Are buying this because you don’t want to run out sometimes.

00:09:41:19 – 00:10:01:02
Ross Mac
Yeah, I would, you know, like, say if we go, you know, doing so I’ll just I’ll, you know kind of the boys. Well they’re all you know in case the boys want a cup or something like that, beaten up just doing it. And then I would end up, I had a guy that would deliver to me nice to put from a letterbox or, you know, so I’ll probably save a couple days a pretty lot.

00:10:01:02 – 00:10:02:02
Ross Mac
15 grams.

00:10:02:04 – 00:10:05:07
Elliott Wald
So you’ve got it on the Thursday with the boys. Yeah. You go, you tend to.

00:10:05:11 – 00:10:21:23
Ross Mac
I wouldn’t have got, would have picked up ten on Thursday. I would plan out plan a run job. I mean I’d plan a run so I’d put out a couple on a Thursday. Okay. And so and then you’d get, you know, want to go on because, you know, I’d always make it into, you know, we ever find pieces was make it into into work.

00:10:22:00 – 00:10:23:18
Ross Mac
I was always in come out of wall.

00:10:23:18 – 00:10:38:11
Elliott Wald
So let me let me clear this for this this so is a Thursday night you pick up a couple of tickets right You finish in the early hours. You drag yourself to work because it’s a family business, right? Yeah. Then you finish on the Friday. Then what happens Friday evening?

00:10:38:13 – 00:11:05:09
Ross Mac
again, you know, then then I’ll, I remember our member of in that day and I’ll drive in I’m, and I’ll be think Yeah. You know, I’m, you know, thank God that’s over. I can go and sleep and then you drive around and you pick it up in drive and then when your wife in can what I want to do this job, I mean and all would be thrown up and, and I need got to and stuff like that but, but I would plan my run so you know, I would plan it where, you know, I’d keep it free and like where I live, like nominate a key to my house and no one would

00:11:05:10 – 00:11:13:01
Ross Mac
get in. Said it’d be no, I remember getting locked up. I wanted them to keep my door for you because just I couldn’t have anyone disrupting what I was doing. I would just lock myself away.

00:11:13:04 – 00:11:18:13
Elliott Wald
So. So over the weekend, you using a home on your own?

00:11:18:15 – 00:11:44:03
Ross Mac
That. That was my preference. Yeah, as sad as that sounds. But that’s what that’s my reality was, is I like a party for one. You know, I recorded like the Lone Wolf that, that that was my thing. You know, if I was, if I was John on the Saturday out, I’d probably drive there. I’ll probably, you know, at the drink and you know often I wouldn’t use but then, you know, so if I was running an event I’ll take the door money and that was where my run would go, you know, I’d have a clear run.

00:11:44:03 – 00:11:52:20
Ross Mac
Then I’ll be like, I’ve got this amount of money I’d pick up. And then then I would have, you know, people joking around throughout, you know, from then. Then the next day I would go, you know, right.

00:11:52:20 – 00:12:00:10
Elliott Wald
Through and I guess that’s what I mean. So what you’re doing is you’re getting the money, you’re picking up a couple and then you having other people drop off. Yeah. And U.S..

00:12:00:10 – 00:12:18:03
Ross Mac
Yeah. But so one thing I do, which I’ve never really spoke about is one thing that I like after a couple days was sick, as you say, But this is my reality. I would I would black out after a couple of days and I would wake up again and I would bring Beaumont back in the game. And obviously I’ve still care and I’ll be off from London again.

00:12:18:03 – 00:12:32:15
Ross Mac
So I’d often, if I’ve gone for a few days plus Saturday night, Sunday morning, I would blackout for a couple of hours and I’d wake up and I would be and I’ll beat up. My nose is clear. I mean, I used to use a lot in the bedroom. I used it in dark. I’d sit in dark in a darkened room, just sniffing in the dark.

00:12:32:19 – 00:12:33:09
Elliott Wald
On your own.

00:12:33:09 – 00:12:34:24
Ross Mac
On my own, Yeah. And I would.

00:12:35:01 – 00:12:36:22
Elliott Wald
Would you think you gain from that.

00:12:36:24 – 00:12:53:22
Ross Mac
What I was hiding and I. Because, you know, I’m hiding out just in case there my five are going to come for me or, you know, like the police or whoever. I mean, so I would hide that in my room and I would use in the dark. And I used to live in the middle of nowhere. So it’d be like, so I’ll be I’d think I’m good.

00:12:53:22 – 00:13:01:04
Ross Mac
I feel I’m going to all attack white. So, you know, we have heart attack and I’m thinking car wash lot. Do I think you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to have line because that’s going to sort of.

00:13:01:06 – 00:13:02:05
Elliott Wald
That’s going to help a lot.

00:13:02:05 – 00:13:18:03
Ross Mac
Yeah. So I’d I’d go to have a line and I would and I’d go used an idea someone coming down the corridor or not Danielle But where I live out in the middle of nowhere. So here’s some comments. I would phrase like a statue and then I would, then I would wait five, ten. But then I realized.

00:13:18:03 – 00:13:34:14
Elliott Wald
Yeah, you’re just standing still, right? Yeah. It’s like this is listening for every single. Yeah. Yeah. And you’re looking at the curtains from the distance for the lights, and you’re not moving for that like minute or 2 minutes. Yeah. And then when you do start moving, you’re like if you keep moving across the room. Yeah.

00:13:34:14 – 00:13:50:24
Ross Mac
A lot of creature. And then I would realize I use living in a no, no, no where and nowhere is free in a moment of choosing, right? There’s no one outside. I mean, it’s all on my head and that psychosis and yeah, you know, I’ve seen, I’ve seen people digging up trees outside my house, watching it, you know, off of the, you know, hallucinate, you know.

00:13:51:00 – 00:13:54:08
Elliott Wald
Because you got sleep deprivation. Yeah. And you’re using. Yeah.

00:13:54:13 – 00:14:07:05
Ross Mac
And alcohol. Yeah. And I would yeah. Vodka. That was my that was my drink. But yeah, anything the end. But, you know, I’ll be honest with you. I used to get really freaked out. Got to hide him up off from menus news in there.

00:14:07:07 – 00:14:14:09
Elliott Wald
So you went from bedroom to paranoia in the bedroom to once the paranoia was sufficient to being in the bathroom.

00:14:14:13 – 00:14:14:23
Ross Mac
Yeah.

00:14:15:04 – 00:14:17:17
Elliott Wald
So when you sit in the bath or sit on the toilet, what do you want?

00:14:17:17 – 00:14:31:16
Ross Mac
Like I said, I to sit. I just sit in front of the the door with my trousers dry, man. Cause watching the door. Then if you happen to break into my house or comment, I would say, Eliot, what you doing? I’m on the toilet. And then it would give me a chance to even know I’ve been up for three days.

00:14:31:16 – 00:14:37:06
Ross Mac
I live on my own. I live in the middle of nowhere. Nice. Come around. But that’s that’s what I did. I’ll just sit and watch the door, you know.

00:14:37:07 – 00:14:39:16
Elliott Wald
Scenario that’s playing out in your head.

00:14:39:18 – 00:14:55:13
Ross Mac
Yeah. Yeah. It’s all made up. And that’s kind of been the story of my life. Like, it’s all made up. I mean, we in recovery, we call it fancy a real job. I mean, like you might say to me, I’ll want to close that door. And I’m not thinking, fuck my comment, I swear. Yeah.

00:14:55:14 – 00:14:56:03
Elliott Wald
Yes. With.

00:14:56:05 – 00:15:05:22
Ross Mac
And I’m like, you know, it was Eliot. Think it was you speak to me like that because my perception of everything is is wrong, you know? I mean was I like, you know, so if I you know.

00:15:06:03 – 00:15:07:13
Elliott Wald
You don’t know why you do that?

00:15:07:15 – 00:15:08:19
Ross Mac
Because was I’m crazy.

00:15:08:19 – 00:15:34:01
Elliott Wald
Well, now I’m going to tell you why you do that. Yeah. So the whole time you’re talking to me and people can watch his back in the zoom in on you, your eyes look up every time you think about an answer to a question. That means you’re very visual. You’re creating things in terms of images, Right? So when you say to me, you know, whether it’s fantasy or whether it’s reality, that’s because in your brain you’ve already created this mini movie of what’s going on.

00:15:34:03 – 00:15:42:12
Elliott Wald
That’s why it’s impacting you so much. Because now your rationale, what you’re using has gone out the fucking window. Yeah, that’s why it affected you so badly.

00:15:42:12 – 00:16:02:11
Ross Mac
Yeah. I make up stuff that I ain’t even true to. I mean, and sometimes that happens that, you know, I like to not, like, live in fantasy. I’m looking out the window, and if I’m over there, I want to be over here. I mean, for my very I want to be there. And if I’m where my train is on a bay area in yours, you know, I just although I’m a seven or a six.

00:16:02:16 – 00:16:04:04
Elliott Wald
Now, they’re going to fit me on side.

00:16:04:04 – 00:16:06:07
Ross Mac
Of what they are. Depends what I’m.

00:16:06:09 – 00:16:10:01
Elliott Wald
These are fighters trainers UFC are I. Yeah.

00:16:10:03 – 00:16:12:07
Ross Mac
I’ll stick my pride as Thanks mate.

00:16:12:09 – 00:16:21:10
Elliott Wald
Promise. Okay so was the alcohol and then using the gear or was it dry sniffing. What was it for you.

00:16:21:10 – 00:16:27:10
Ross Mac
Yeah. So, first of all, alcohol. But then in the end, ikoko dry sniff. Yeah.

00:16:27:12 – 00:16:27:22
Elliott Wald
This is the.

00:16:28:01 – 00:16:29:21
Ross Mac
Alcohol just takes the edge off.

00:16:29:23 – 00:16:37:16
Elliott Wald
So. So let me just get this clear. You started off using an alcohol was your gateway to using, correct?

00:16:37:18 – 00:16:40:05
Ross Mac
Yeah. Yeah. We say like gateway, but yeah in the end.

00:16:40:05 – 00:16:41:13
Elliott Wald
But and then in the end.

00:16:41:14 – 00:16:41:23
Ross Mac
Yeah.

00:16:42:01 – 00:16:43:08
Elliott Wald
You were a dry sniffer.

00:16:43:12 – 00:16:46:09
Ross Mac
Yeah. Not like I would have a drink called the just to.

00:16:46:11 – 00:16:56:22
Elliott Wald
A You still a dry sniff. Yeah. But you’re using alcohol to level yourself off. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So you’re dry sniff, avoid sense of purpose. Yeah. Yeah. But just using alcohol at the end. Yeah. That’s your pattern.

00:16:56:24 – 00:17:01:14
Ross Mac
Drugs or alcohol is drugs first. You know, if I was going to have to pick guns, have gun to my head.

00:17:01:16 – 00:17:09:03
Elliott Wald
Okay. And did you, did you stretch. This is it was only an evening or would it be during the day?

00:17:09:05 – 00:17:22:05
Ross Mac
Normally, again, it just depends on what I was doing. I would normally just go from the evening. So yeah, I would normally just, you know, I wouldn’t because I’d get so twisted, like, I can’t really hide it, you know? I mean.

00:17:22:07 – 00:17:23:07
Elliott Wald
You’re gonna.

00:17:23:09 – 00:17:24:19
Ross Mac
Yeah, I’ll just get.

00:17:25:00 – 00:17:25:13
Elliott Wald
Stops or.

00:17:25:13 – 00:17:42:22
Ross Mac
I’ll speak. Yeah. And I’ll just get so twisted. So like, like we talk about recovery, like that phenomenon of craving once or stall can’t stop. But for me, I get twisted before, you know, before I’m going to go, I’ll get and only got smaller and then yeah, so for me, that phenomenon starts, that obsession starts before I’ve even, you know, and I get twisted.

00:17:42:22 – 00:17:52:20
Elliott Wald
So that let me understand this. Yeah. The fun for you was getting twisted and then racking up more lines and gain paranoia and getting more twisted and then racking up more laughs.

00:17:52:20 – 00:17:59:08
Ross Mac
Yeah, I mean, that in my head. I didn’t plan it like that. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. I’ll try that. That first one and.

00:17:59:10 – 00:18:00:02
Elliott Wald
That one plans.

00:18:00:02 – 00:18:17:01
Ross Mac
Up. Yeah, but it just. I don’t know where I thought it would be different every time, but, you know, I tend to after two or three days, I’ll be on my sofa and I’ll be thinking, have I got a, you know, where as this happened, You know, I mean, and I remember like, I remember getting like one, not thinking, I’m not going to pick up some, like, some skin, you know?

00:18:17:01 – 00:18:34:23
Ross Mac
And then, then you all run. You know, you often you think of like that is happen. You know, I’m skin and yeah you know it got it I wasn’t one of them ones that wanted to kill myself but just all that enough, you know. And I didn’t I didn’t care if I lived or died. And, you know, I really, you know, I hated myself for any Mumbai people.

00:18:34:23 – 00:18:53:16
Ross Mac
I didn’t realize it, John. I didn’t come in thinking what omens of coveting coming vacant or everyone. But actually, when I looked at everything, I just resented a lot people resented myself most because I thought, you know, if you if you ever put yourself in a situation you can’t get out of, you know, I’m in a situation, I’m thinking I’m going to start from Monday, you know, and the fear of I’ll kill myself, I’m going to die.

00:18:53:16 – 00:18:59:06
Ross Mac
And I cannot stop and I cannot tell. No one can’t. So anyone tell nobody.

00:18:59:08 – 00:19:05:09
Elliott Wald
But what was the tipping point that made you decide that you needed to seek help?

00:19:05:11 – 00:19:22:17
Ross Mac
There was a there’s a few. So I got I went into recovery a 32, 2010. I went to my first meeting and muttered to my brother and I try not to talk about my family and bring them into cos but I’m, you know, I’m really respectful with my story but they’d kind of got wind of it and that wasn’t a reason.

00:19:22:17 – 00:19:25:03
Ross Mac
I just, I just wanted to change a little bit.

00:19:25:03 – 00:19:33:01
Elliott Wald
Then the what was the tipping point, What was the very thing at the very end made you go, I need to well.

00:19:33:03 – 00:19:48:13
Ross Mac
Also now or just sick and tired of being sick and tired, you know, I’ve got what I went into recovery at 32,010. I’ve done a few meetings and I think about four and a half years and my using them for an off years, which got so dark about weird stuff that’s told about it, that’s, that’s when that really kicked in.

00:19:48:15 – 00:19:49:08
Elliott Wald
Paranoia.

00:19:49:08 – 00:20:06:24
Ross Mac
Yeah. And you know, my wife is that she’s not the reason that she’s the main reason why I wanted to get clean. You know, me and my wife have known each other since we were kids, and we’re family. You know, family’s like my whole family’s my family. Basically. It makes. It does sound a bit weird, but it’s not.

00:20:07:01 – 00:20:21:23
Ross Mac
But we. We kind of met again when I was 34, and, you know, you get clean for yourself, but she she save me. And anyone who knows anyone who knows that, you know, she’s the most amazing woman person I’ve ever met. And and she was the main reason.

00:20:22:00 – 00:20:23:16
Elliott Wald
Yeah. Yeah.

00:20:23:18 – 00:20:46:03
Ross Mac
You know, you know, and you’ve been really horrible to them because you want them to go with. You can carry on. And she never left. She got as far as the car park where we lived and never left me. And you know, I try not to get too emotional when I, when I talk about when I’m a really emotional like a lot, you know, I really feel stuff today And yeah, she she’s like, yeah, she’s unbelievable.

00:20:46:03 – 00:20:50:16
Elliott Wald
And she’s been your rock amazing.

00:20:50:18 – 00:21:04:06
Ross Mac
Like just the most amazing person I’ve ever met and just and it was like she just, you know, she tried to talk to me and my dad said, We tried to speak to you. You know, I was really aggressive. You know, I’m not far up. I’ll tell you very easily on my own people, you know what I mean?

00:21:04:06 – 00:21:06:14
Ross Mac
And so I’m just scared.

00:21:06:18 – 00:21:16:00
Elliott Wald
You were taking a look at yourself, seeing your behavior, seeing the people around you and how you affected them. And that made you decide to get some help.

00:21:16:02 – 00:21:28:07
Ross Mac
Yeah, I don’t want to die. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to die. I already ordered enough.

00:21:28:09 – 00:21:34:12
Elliott Wald
And so what happened? You started to seek help, and then you had an awakening.

00:21:34:14 – 00:21:49:23
Ross Mac
Yeah, I. It wasn’t straight away, so I went back to recovery meetings. You know, I’m a 12 step man, but I, I probably when I got clean, I would have said 12 steps. The only way. And I don’t believe that now, there’s lots of ways of getting clean was just how I got clean and what works.

00:21:49:23 – 00:22:05:24
Ross Mac
I may agree with you, you know, And I really like what you do, and that’s why I’m probably why you have spoke, because I listen to your story and I liked it. And I thought, you know what? If, if, if I ever try and help people, I want to how I would send them your way and say, look, because, you know, I think everyone’s different.

00:22:06:01 – 00:22:10:23
Ross Mac
yeah. And that’s just what worked for me. You know, total abstinence is, is, is my story.

00:22:10:23 – 00:22:33:13
Elliott Wald
I agree with here’s my personal opinion. I think certain things with certain people and I think certain things are right for some people. And if you find a way that’s right for you, that’s more power to you. You know, I think that the person who’s on my podcast previous to you has been through all of that, and he chooses to drink alcohol, a glass of wine with his dinner every now and then.

00:22:33:18 – 00:22:54:10
Elliott Wald
And that works for him. You know, for some people that smoke sticks, work for other people, they need another route. There’s nothing wrong or right. Some people come to see me and have used the 12 steps as well. You know, I’m not here to say don’t do this, do this. This is what you should do. I think we’re in a world of individuals and that’s how you got to look at everything you.

00:22:54:12 – 00:23:11:13
Ross Mac
Yeah, I mean, I tried loads of things to stop using. and that’s what worked for me. And I went to, I went into recovery at 34 and a half and I’ve met God Equity and who previously met on a cell phone off years earlier, and he was still there and he was like, You are my. And I’m like, Well, not really.

00:23:11:13 – 00:23:15:19
Ross Mac
I’m back here. And I didn’t say that. So I fully in my head I was like, Yeah, yeah.

00:23:15:21 – 00:23:17:07
Elliott Wald
so you’d been there previously?

00:23:17:10 – 00:23:21:21
Ross Mac
Yeah, I’ve been here in previous maternal going back into, 2000, four to.

00:23:21:22 – 00:23:24:14
Elliott Wald
2000 and, and it didn’t fit with you.

00:23:24:16 – 00:23:25:03
Ross Mac
I just wasn’t.

00:23:25:03 – 00:23:26:01
Elliott Wald
Ready. Why not?

00:23:26:05 – 00:23:37:23
Ross Mac
Because I still thought I knew everything. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready. Be in the shower myself. yeah, I wasn’t done. I mean, and then the levels I hadn’t got to. Levels I did when I stopped.

00:23:37:23 – 00:23:43:23
Elliott Wald
But when you went in 2007, you thought, excuse me, you’re ready to do it?

00:23:43:23 – 00:24:11:09
Ross Mac
Yeah, well, I was just maybe sort of one reasons and another first thing I was I never drink again. And I thought, well, I’m a I’m a fun drunk. I’m a I’m a geezer. I’m a geezer. Yeah. So that that wasn’t on my agenda to never drink again. You know, just when it’s cut down for months, if you want to cut down that the odd beer and I spoke to someone recently about this and, you know, after not drinking for nine of years, I wouldn’t want to drink a lot because I just I don’t want to feel that way.

00:24:11:09 – 00:24:16:04
Ross Mac
Even if I could have the option, I’m just not interested. You know, this works for me. My life is amazing.

00:24:16:05 – 00:24:30:08
Elliott Wald
I think. I think you hit the nail on the head. This works for you. And I think that’s what it’s about, is about finding what works for you, works for the individual person, and to not have a drink that works for you. That’s what you should do.

00:24:30:10 – 00:24:43:17
Ross Mac
100%. And I work with, I think sometimes because I buy my own events company. So if a guy’s a work, you know, I’ll get two drinks and I’ll look at, you know, some of the I’m always at the bar blind prepared. And so that’s really interesting.

00:24:43:18 – 00:24:45:22
Elliott Wald
Yeah. Pick up on that.

00:24:45:24 – 00:24:47:19
Ross Mac
Little thing I’m drinking off. I don’t know.

00:24:47:19 – 00:24:50:03
Elliott Wald
Does that give you pleasure buying them drinks? It doesn’t.

00:24:50:03 – 00:24:50:17
Ross Mac
Bother me.

00:24:50:22 – 00:24:52:10
Elliott Wald
Does it? Give you pleasure?

00:24:52:12 – 00:24:54:12
Ross Mac
it doesn’t. I don’t. I don’t. Look, it ever.

00:24:54:12 – 00:25:17:15
Elliott Wald
Won’t tell you why I say that. Yeah. So for many years, our is a bodybuilder, and when you compete, a body was a very selfish sport. You have to draw it down for 12 weeks. You get to like three 4% body fat. You stand on stage in your budgie smugglers, everyone looks at you. And I was a time my life back in the day and it was funny when you’re in this very restricted eating plan lyrics like boiled chicken boiled rice.

00:25:17:15 – 00:25:35:06
Elliott Wald
Tuna is like plain, plain, plain. And I couldn’t see any chocolate, right. And I couldn’t eat any sweets. I used to buy it for the people around me somehow made me feel good to buy them chocolate even though I couldn’t fucking either. So that’s what I’m saying. Yeah. Are you bored of drinks? Did it make you feel good cause you weren’t drinking?

00:25:35:06 – 00:25:47:19
Ross Mac
Yeah, I don’t. I just think it’s because I look after the light, it sounds like, but, you know, like, you know, So I put it up on go, guys, sex guys, singers. So because it’s my company and they’re working for me, I want to make sure. Okay, you on drink or something, You know? So I’m. I’m just.

00:25:47:19 – 00:25:48:13
Elliott Wald
You’re the host.

00:25:48:13 – 00:26:01:20
Ross Mac
Yeah. So if I’m not deejaying, I’ve another guy that works me all, you know, various deejays stuff. So I just make sure my staff are right. So you want to cut the babies? I’ve got a ball and get a couple of beers, you know. So yeah, I’ll just kind of that that’s just kind of, you know, cause I use it for money, an event as well.

00:26:01:20 – 00:26:13:06
Ross Mac
I don’t like to go and get drinks, so I just get them for them. But doesn’t I don’t look at it either way, you know, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t Wrexham upper liner gear you know supplement that but you know bein your drink that doesn’t doesn’t something.

00:26:13:06 – 00:26:14:16
Elliott Wald
Difference what’s the difference.

00:26:14:16 – 00:26:22:11
Ross Mac
I thought yeah. I suppose because, because coke is probably made because that’s probably more my thing. But yeah, I’ll just, I’ll show you.

00:26:22:11 – 00:26:23:12
Elliott Wald
So let me get this.

00:26:23:13 – 00:26:25:22
Ross Mac
Yeah. Come.

00:26:25:24 – 00:26:32:07
Elliott Wald
You can borrow a friend a pint or a vodka or whatever, without question, right?

00:26:32:07 – 00:26:33:17
Ross Mac
Yeah.

00:26:33:19 – 00:26:35:13
Elliott Wald
But you wouldn’t rack them up a line.

00:26:35:13 – 00:26:36:11
Ross Mac
Fuck no.

00:26:36:13 – 00:26:36:21
Elliott Wald
Come on.

00:26:36:21 – 00:26:45:08
Ross Mac
Why not? Wouldn’t like I’ve, I’ve seen, I’ve seen coke a couple of times since I’ve been clean, like I’ve walked in somewhere and it’s been on a side. And then what.

00:26:45:08 – 00:26:45:16
Elliott Wald
You do.

00:26:45:22 – 00:27:01:08
Ross Mac
Really, really early on, you know, nobody really on a fucking call. I’m always out. I cried my eyes out early. All I’m involved is three or six months clean. I walked into toilets. I was working at a club and really, really early on and some of them pulled out back in. You want a bit and I’ll fucking cry.

00:27:01:08 – 00:27:16:09
Ross Mac
I cried. So I keep swearing but I did I quiet I a my wife was there. Not a bit of a cry because I spent all day not wanting to do so. I not want to do something. And then someone was at a devil and showed it to me and I cried, you know. But you know, this far further down the line, I’m just a bit like life.

00:27:16:14 – 00:27:32:08
Ross Mac
Yeah, it’s not sad. I want to see, you know, like we, we, we same recovery like for me, like flame. Like I say, I’ll be like not for me. Which for someone who absolutely loves that stuff and would sniff, you know, is a miracle.

00:27:32:08 – 00:27:34:11
Elliott Wald
But how does it make you feel that a miracle.

00:27:34:13 – 00:27:42:07
Ross Mac
No, it doesn’t. But sometimes I look at and think, that looks an eyelash. You know, we go for the car. We were two boys and I think it’s really nice, but I just it’s just not for me.

00:27:42:07 – 00:28:02:21
Elliott Wald
I think it’s a really, really interesting point to make because it’s like, let’s use a building site because I did this in a video, right? Use a building site. And the brick land is like a team of bricklayers onsite. And the lie there is like 2:00 in the afternoon. He’s like, you know, fuck a rack up a cheeky little line, you know, carry on working in the office.

00:28:02:21 – 00:28:11:22
Elliott Wald
You might think so. Line. Yeah. But if he was there with a bottle of whiskey at 2:00 in the afternoon, people began like, Yeah, fuck it. I get to drink it.

00:28:11:22 – 00:28:13:10
Ross Mac
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:28:13:11 – 00:28:15:03
Elliott Wald
But you the other way round. Yeah.

00:28:15:03 – 00:28:33:06
Ross Mac
Yeah. Well he’s getting his car and driving. What’s he doing most. Well maniac John. But like you saying if are doing, if they’re doing get by just other arm I guess I’m really lucky a lot my friends in recovery they I think they hide out I don’t know I don’t get me wrong like I wouldn’t go to a club every weekend we was out last weekend me and my wife’s in a club and we left it two in on a really good night.

00:28:33:08 – 00:28:48:08
Ross Mac
But generally that stuff does bore me. You know, over someone’s birthday. I’ll get there. I’ll leave 11. I’ve had a really good night. You know, And I it’s like, really funny reason to say no, nothing good happens after 2 a.m.. Well, I think actually putting doesn’t really good at events after 12:12 p.m. because of that.

00:28:48:08 – 00:28:50:12
Elliott Wald
I mean nothing good happens after I. Yeah.

00:28:50:12 – 00:29:06:07
Ross Mac
Because there is no I saw I went on a golf trip recently and it’s don’t get me wrong it’s lovely. People say it’s really nice trip it’s a lovely thing but when they’re off they’re not on a cheering your ear off almost like is time for me, you know this is time. You know, it’s nice to see everyone and then I’ll bounce.

00:29:06:13 – 00:29:14:18
Elliott Wald
And Tony, he I mean how you usage affected your family dynamics.

00:29:14:20 – 00:29:31:05
Ross Mac
I don’t I don’t 100% no. obviously my wife I do and you know she doesn’t off to listen to a lot of my stuff in know last podcast it was really like I really wanted to listen cause I really picked her up and I want to try to, you know, sort out, you know, look how amazing I’m doing.

00:29:31:05 – 00:29:44:20
Ross Mac
But she’s like, You know what? I live that stuff. I don’t want to hear it. And I remember really when I got really hard to clean up early on and, you know, I’ll be called I don’t want to say the word sponsorship, but that’s what it is, you know, And I was just how I just with lots I prefers I help in someone else helping someone.

00:29:44:22 – 00:29:58:20
Ross Mac
We met his wife and my wife said to how he’s doing. Amazing, isn’t she? And she was like, Yeah, and it was, that’s my wife. But it’s like I’m, it’s different on him further on. But she’s like, Look, someone wants you to say, Yeah, but I’ve had all the carnage last 20 years. I was great. So a lot.

00:29:58:20 – 00:30:03:12
Ross Mac
When you get clean about the eyes, you must do an amazing. But it’s actually the carnage that you cause, you know. And we.

00:30:03:13 – 00:30:05:18
Elliott Wald
Kind of tried to build those bridges 100.

00:30:05:18 – 00:30:25:03
Ross Mac
Percent. Yeah. And it’s. Yeah, it does. I mean, you know, it’s been in I, I was nine years last month so it’s been a while so you know I feel like I’m and it’s a stage where everyone knows I don’t drink, you know, I don’t get offered drinks any more and which is fine. It doesn’t like it doesn’t bother me, but people don’t they know me, you know, it’s been a while sort of thing.

00:30:25:05 – 00:30:30:07
Ross Mac
But yeah, you know, I walk. what was the question?

00:30:30:09 – 00:30:31:02
Elliott Wald
I was sorry.

00:30:31:03 – 00:30:32:07
Ross Mac
My brain. It was so.

00:30:32:10 – 00:30:38:12
Elliott Wald
I was so absorbed in what you’re on. Jamal is about fucking forgot what the question was. But I think it was how it affects your family dynamic.

00:30:38:12 – 00:30:57:22
Ross Mac
Right. Sorry. Yes, I. I got taste of ADHD, you know, Wasn’t a thing when I was a kid, when I was using and. And I had a test recently and like, you know, ticking all the boxes, which is fine. And for me, like, I’m not big on medication. I’ve done that enough. But just about me for me is about being aware.

00:30:57:22 – 00:31:10:20
Ross Mac
So that’s why so so yeah, my brain is 100 miles an hour, so I suppose I keep forgetting and keep talking a lot, but the find me dynamic so I don’t know. So my dad said to me like, you know, we, you know, what I’ve done is we doing the men’s poses. And he said to me, Yeah, we knew what you were doing.

00:31:10:20 – 00:31:30:03
Ross Mac
I mean they, they, they don’t know. And another we said to, you know, I’ve done a few podcasts. I’ve said, look, you don’t need to listen. I don’t need to know the dark stuff that we spoke about. You’re the need to know is I used to use I was in a bad place and my mom read some it recently online about me and I freaked out and I’m this thing wasn’t even bad.

00:31:30:03 – 00:31:39:10
Ross Mac
And I was just like, they don’t need to know the dark stuff that needs to know. You know, they don’t need to know the the stuff that we’ve spoke about, you know, because, you know.

00:31:39:12 – 00:31:41:07
Elliott Wald
You need to shine that light on it for you.

00:31:41:08 – 00:31:50:13
Ross Mac
I do, Yeah. But it’s for the guy who’s listening who’s probably releasing the sniffing gif and cannot do that, you know? I mean, and I get, I get messages every day from people.

00:31:50:13 – 00:31:50:23
Elliott Wald
Yeah.

00:31:51:00 – 00:32:18:24
Ross Mac
Because of, you know, because of my job and because, you know, you know, because I get to, you know, I get to do, you know, to do the stuff for people like how do you go to them venues. And I think, you know, I don’t get it. I just know that I do know that, you know, if I put my recovery first, which I’ll do, and I’m really blessed and, you know, I’ve got support since I’ve got since I got clean, I played more places than I did when I was using, you know, I thought when I started the john, I thought I would after about Stop the Jam.

00:32:18:24 – 00:32:20:23
Elliott Wald
Because you might not be in the industry.

00:32:20:23 – 00:32:34:17
Ross Mac
Yeah, yeah. Because I remember I was five days clean, I was running the club and I was thinking, What am I doing? They shouldn’t be here. But what my, my recovery shows, if I put this stuff first, I can do anything. And I guess that my best was appealing to people that I still know of in I’ve been to space closing party.

00:32:34:17 – 00:32:58:00
Elliott Wald
I think. I think there’s a bit of a difference, though, that people should should think about. One was your it’s your occupation should as opposed to your social choice. And I think what they misconstrue is can I still go to the nightclub not drink and not use. Yeah, you can, but you will. They’re working. You’re preoccupied with things going on there.

00:32:58:00 – 00:33:16:12
Elliott Wald
They’re with a mindset to party because they’re going with their friends to party. Yeah. And I think they go keep a little bit of a distinction between that because here’s like I say, Ross, if you sit in a pub as long enough, you’re more likely to get your haircut. If you’re the barber in the barbers, you’re less likely to get your hair.

00:33:16:12 – 00:33:17:13
Elliott Wald
Yeah.

00:33:17:15 – 00:33:34:09
Ross Mac
Yeah. And I do agree with that. And I got told that a lot early in recovery. And I do agree with I wouldn’t put like I went we went out last week things was in Manchester I was an engagement strip club and on a really good night and you know, we left. Yeah I wouldn’t do that every weekend, you know, stopping the space closing party.

00:33:34:11 – 00:33:39:11
Ross Mac
I don’t do it all the time, but I would encourage anyone new recovery, like just go out there and see what’s about them, what.

00:33:39:11 – 00:33:40:05
Elliott Wald
Point.

00:33:40:07 – 00:33:52:21
Ross Mac
I would maybe say six months. And this is two things and what you said so, so soothing of what you said. So first of all, I remember speaking to a guy when I went out and I went out on was sober. Once you get out of really boring, not I’ll say which way because a lot of people use.

00:33:52:21 – 00:33:58:19
Ross Mac
And I said, That’s different. I said, You know, if you go out to a nightclub everyone’s using, you’re going to feel bored. I would feel bored.

00:33:58:21 – 00:34:00:05
Elliott Wald
You know, in their wavelength.

00:34:00:07 – 00:34:15:11
Ross Mac
100%. So that’s not that. That’s if you want to do that, maybe go to a sober party early on. And I’ve taken my wife to two sober parties. She loves them because everyone gets them. And for us it’s like you’re like, So you know what? I want an event. Normally, like the start, people have a drink and a chat.

00:34:15:11 – 00:34:36:09
Ross Mac
You know, we call it the the, the warm up, you know, as a people have a drink and have a chat. The sober stuff there’s not enough by they go straight into the dancing and they they just call a lot our frame around that’s a better environment to be you know my you know my would sponsor he works at Glastonbury and you know he works he does festivals all summer and yeah, he’s a maniac.

00:34:36:09 – 00:34:41:02
Elliott Wald
He’s get back to the question. Yeah. How long do you recommend Avon. Somebody puts himself.

00:34:41:03 – 00:34:52:06
Ross Mac
I would say six months, but I would just say and because people talk about it, we’re talking to me and I’d say, well, look, maybe, you know, six months in go right? You might earlier and say that you might. Eliot look.

00:34:52:08 – 00:34:53:01
Elliott Wald
He’s sexy.

00:34:53:04 – 00:34:54:24
Ross Mac
I’ll come and I said I sexy.

00:34:55:04 – 00:34:57:09
Elliott Wald
I’m not coming out. I’m yeah, I’m sure.

00:34:57:09 – 00:35:13:11
Ross Mac
He’s already out Yeah. Say to my mate Eliot looking to come out of you tonight. Just see now I’m going to pop out a couple of hours. So you have a mate there, Eliot, who’s going to keep an eye on you. And you know, he’s a good pal. You know, he’s not going to be one that mates it because you get mates like, you just have a woman.

00:35:13:11 – 00:35:16:16
Ross Mac
May you be all right? yeah, yeah. I mean, like, you’re just want.

00:35:16:17 – 00:35:21:22
Elliott Wald
It’s just Friday. Yeah, just over. I’ll get you a drink. Yeah, but come to the right new one.

00:35:22:00 – 00:35:34:23
Ross Mac
Exactly. I just be a small one so you get you might like Eliot. you going to say to him, I’ll put a card and just do a couple of hours and I’ll tell you what, when you leave that place, you go home. You feel like Superman. You know what? I’ve. I’ve been I’ve come back from my beta and I’m at the airport.

00:35:34:23 – 00:35:47:08
Ross Mac
You know, I feel I feel I’m like, this is this is what it’s about. Everyone’s dying around. Yeah, but yeah, I would just say, you know, everyone’s different, but I would just say, you know, I spoke with Pat, obviously, you know, I’ve known Pat a long time, spoke a lot about that.

00:35:47:10 – 00:35:48:07
Elliott Wald
Yeah, that was them.

00:35:48:07 – 00:35:56:01
Ross Mac
Pat Wilson Yeah. And you know, I’ll just say get back into it and I’ll try and speak to a lot of deejays and stuff like that. The clubbers.

00:35:56:03 – 00:36:14:14
Elliott Wald
I do think is slightly different for you, though, because, you know, you say, you know, when you said to me or went out with not you, but when somebody said to you they we know people that are really boring. SIMON You said some the other people used and you said, yes, well, that’s why you had a boring time because you on the same wavelength, which I completely agree.

00:36:14:16 – 00:36:28:08
Elliott Wald
But I think for a lot of people who go out, they go out with those people who used to, you know, just suddenly find a new group of people. That’s not always is easy. Whereas for you, you’re going for a working environment.

00:36:28:08 – 00:36:54:03
Ross Mac
Yeah, I’m lucky because, you know, there was a lot. So like they saw guineas get only friends. I still do everything I used to do, obviously, like a million times more. You know, I work for a festival as well, you know, it’s like carriage, you know, and I didn’t there’s certain people in my life that I was like, Dave, I love him, but off to love him from afar because he’s just Rise and Dave’s on a different journey, you know?

00:36:54:03 – 00:37:09:08
Ross Mac
I’m not judging day, but that Dave was someone I would love to be me, but not anymore. So I mean, Dave is still still coal bums doing fing. And I stayed, you know, I’ve got a really good group of friends around me and, and I’ll still stay with them friends and yeah, everything. Nothing really changed for me.

00:37:09:10 – 00:37:14:05
Elliott Wald
That group of friends you have around, you know, they don’t use gear will do the.

00:37:14:10 – 00:37:16:04
Ross Mac
Yeah most people are no take.

00:37:16:04 – 00:37:17:19
Elliott Wald
Drugs okay so.

00:37:17:21 – 00:37:18:10
Ross Mac
Most people you.

00:37:18:10 – 00:37:26:14
Elliott Wald
Can you you go out with people Let’s forget your work for a month. Yeah you got four with people on the show level.

00:37:26:14 – 00:37:27:02
Ross Mac
Yeah.

00:37:27:04 – 00:37:28:14
Elliott Wald
And they’re using around you.

00:37:28:20 – 00:37:29:11
Ross Mac
Yeah.

00:37:29:13 – 00:37:30:18
Elliott Wald
And you’re cool with that.

00:37:30:20 – 00:37:37:04
Ross Mac
Yeah. They, they’re respectful to a degree, but they’re not like. But yeah, well.

00:37:37:06 – 00:37:41:17
Elliott Wald
A bargain and five points in a how they how respectful are like.

00:37:41:17 – 00:37:52:01
Ross Mac
Well that’s where my time is to go. I’ve had a really good night and I know if you go for dinner and I’ll go in and I’ll stay in and I’ll get to a point where I’ll go I’m done and on and on in the.

00:37:52:01 – 00:37:53:23
Elliott Wald
Chat shit that you don’t listen to.

00:37:53:24 – 00:37:57:02
Ross Mac
Yeah, and, and I’ve been there. I’ve had a good night and that’s fine. I’m. I’ll go.

00:37:57:03 – 00:38:19:04
Elliott Wald
That’s so basically what you said to me is this here’s what you recommend for people. Six months, six months. Change your environment. Don’t do that. Don’t go there. But after six months, if you feel strong enough, you can put yourself back in that environment. People filter a time, something in there that says to you, I recognize when I should leave.

00:38:19:06 – 00:38:19:21
Elliott Wald
So you say.

00:38:19:21 – 00:38:40:07
Ross Mac
Yeah, that’s that’s what I would recommend. You know, everyone’s different. I would just say, because I didn’t get clean to like to not go out and not because I wasn’t doing it because I remember when I stopped using light, I thought, What am I going to do? Like everything I’ve always and drink and drugs. Like if I do, if we turn up for a business meeting, stay.

00:38:40:07 – 00:39:02:23
Ross Mac
And I’ve said, I’ve got better gear. You know, it’s normal to get on it, which it shouldn’t be, right? Yeah, but I saw a like I said when everyone I know uses a saw and we’ve made it like okay to drink and use and so when you shout out drink people go, What’s wrong with you. It’s nothing you know, but we, we’ve made it’s assault, you know, it is, if alcohol was brought now it wouldn’t be legal, you know.

00:39:02:23 – 00:39:17:07
Ross Mac
But we made you know, I made this society but I just I do everything I used to do. I just I just don’t I just don’t engage in that stuff, you know? And I thought when when I stopped drinking about the my life was over, actually, I’ve achieved and done a million more things I never would have done.

00:39:17:09 – 00:39:32:13
Ross Mac
Never, not, never would have done. And I didn’t think it was possible, you know, and, you know, we talk about mental health and stuff like that and, you know, and people don’t like it when I say it. But I always say to people, look, give yourself three months, six months, if you that helps. But first things for look at what you do.

00:39:32:13 – 00:39:43:23
Ross Mac
You know, people assign armament or, you know, sniffing gear. I’m not judging because I’ve been there. But I would say if you’re struggling with that stuff, give yourself a chance. You know, like lot you even if you’re not or you want to come with it, there’s no middle ground.

00:39:43:23 – 00:40:04:11
Elliott Wald
All they’re doing is mask in the problem. Yeah. And then they feel bad about the problem. Even worse than the mosque. The problem even more. Yeah. So here’s my question to you, because there was a point when you used and when you drank to escape from life problems. Yeah, right. So now in the it’s the fine because there are things that happen in life.

00:40:04:11 – 00:40:06:19
Elliott Wald
Yeah. How do you deal with them?

00:40:06:21 – 00:40:32:05
Ross Mac
So, lots of ways that the last, the last few years of my recovery have been the hardest. I’ve lost some really close friends the first five years and like, and I had to deal with things while I go to meetings and I help people want to talk to people. you know, I walk out gym five days of mornings a week of run on with nature a lot.

00:40:32:07 – 00:40:34:03
Elliott Wald
what’s take kid naked now?

00:40:34:03 – 00:40:51:06
Ross Mac
Not naked, but, you know, I’m out in nature, you know, I go running and, you know, take the dog for a walk, you know, just a try. And so there’s loads of things that you can do that. Yeah. So I just try and live differently. you know, talk to people, you know, either spots I’m going back, actually, I’m going back through the steps.

00:40:51:12 – 00:41:04:14
Ross Mac
So of some 12 step by stopping for the steps three or four times. And I’m just getting a new experience. I’m going through with a friend of mine and it is really enlightening in the moment. So that’s been something I’m just I’m ongoing with what I do.

00:41:04:15 – 00:41:23:09
Elliott Wald
So something happens today? Yeah. The shares are fun. Yeah. What do you do today? Because what I’m looking for is a little bit of advice for the listener. Yeah. Who suddenly wakes up. Didn’t see it coming. So I think sideswipes them. Yeah. And the have a shit day for any particular reason. What do you do to address that.

00:41:23:10 – 00:41:39:05
Ross Mac
With the news flashes is going to happen. It’s brought up right when you get clean about I me you know I, I’ll speak to my sponsor and I have, I have a little team of people around me that I talk to share my stuff with. Okay. So, so when so you know, when I was doing all the weird stuff that I was doing.

00:41:39:05 – 00:42:06:24
Ross Mac
Yep. You know, like, if my friends were just sloppy, it like a lot of shared stuff with people before a little bit and they looked at me, They’ve gone well, you know, so when I got into recovery, I got rid of a lot of maniacs that do what I do. So they’re the people I roll with, the sober people, and they’re the ones to speak to because if I it so friends would say if I had a row, if we had arrived today, like me and you and whatever happened and I’ve run one of my powers I get, you know what a rabbit I alienated this and that.

00:42:06:24 – 00:42:24:09
Ross Mac
Why I said, that’s Eliot, my pal. Go. You know what? Good for you. What she done? Well, you really have it. If I want somebody. Recovery. That’s a right. I’ll not care what Eliot done was your part. Ross and I have to look at how I control myself and how I conduct myself. It doesn’t matter what you do, and that’s how I live today.

00:42:24:09 – 00:42:29:07
Ross Mac
Whereas before, I would have been your full. But, you know, does that make sense? So I call.

00:42:29:07 – 00:42:33:22
Elliott Wald
That the pound coin. Was that you’re in way. Yeah. Acute at the coin.

00:42:34:01 – 00:42:35:15
Ross Mac
Yeah.

00:42:35:17 – 00:42:54:15
Elliott Wald
Are you thinking and everyone listening is thinking what the fuck is the pound coin. Actually might be the £2 coin because now I’m confusing myself but it’s rather the pound for the supermarket because I run on the side of it and I’m sure it’s at home. Quid it says standing on the shoulders of giants. Yeah. So it says around a pound.

00:42:54:15 – 00:43:03:11
Elliott Wald
Good or. It’s about going even though it’s not. No, no it does. Each letter is around, the coin is, is standing on the shoulders of giants and that’s what you do.

00:43:03:14 – 00:43:04:03
Ross Mac
What does that mean?

00:43:04:04 – 00:43:21:08
Elliott Wald
That means this. When you have a problem, you have a team of giants that you phone or that you can speak to who give you advice, and you stand on their shoulders and you listen to them and you go, That’s has picked me up. That’s I’m standing on the shoulders of ones that’s picked me up, that’s helped me.

00:43:21:10 – 00:43:22:00
Elliott Wald
That’s what you do.

00:43:22:00 – 00:43:39:21
Ross Mac
Yeah. Well, another thing we do as well is, is just to write it down as well so that, you know, the most powerful, you know, is the pen or whatever as to whether to say anything. Yeah. and it’s like so I would say, say, I mean, you had a row, so I’d write, I would get home and I’d write down.

00:43:39:21 – 00:43:56:18
Ross Mac
I wouldn’t necessarily to ring my sponsor, look at anything, call, you know, I mean, I’ll write it down and I would see my bit in it and I’ll ring. Eliot You know what? I’m really sorry about that. And you might, God, you know, across you still a knob that’s finally I need to apologize about up and then Yeah yeah we I can’t that’s, and that’s I just need to let you stay with how I act.

00:43:56:18 – 00:44:03:20
Ross Mac
It was wrong. And then because otherwise what would happen is if I hadn’t written it down, done that many of us. I’ll be obsessing about it every time I see.

00:44:04:01 – 00:44:04:11
Elliott Wald
Every with.

00:44:04:11 – 00:44:17:10
Ross Mac
You and every time I hear someone whose name is Eliot, I’ll be thinking, I don’t like these. Because reminds me that really, you know, And so for me, it’s about living it. I didn’t just wake up. People say, did you just wake up? It’s not like I just went, you know, I’m not going to have a drink again.

00:44:17:16 – 00:44:31:22
Ross Mac
You know, I didn’t wake up and think, Now I’ve had to go through a process. I’ve had to look at how I deal when I treat people. And now I treat myself and how I act. So acting the way I used to doesn’t doesn’t serve me right. So I’ve to act in a different way. And this is all stuff I’ve learned and I’ve got clean.

00:44:32:03 – 00:44:46:22
Ross Mac
You know, I’m not saying I don’t walk around, but I just try and be a better person and not just try and help people when that’s how I live. You know, I believe we’re putting this off to help each other out as well. Why are we here so you know, But that’s not how I’ve always that’s not how I’ve always thought about it.

00:44:46:23 – 00:45:06:21
Elliott Wald
You open your eyes and you see things in a different way, sliding down a different path. This worked for you. You know, when you say, you know, it bothers me, I write it down. I do that with Facebook. This a funny thing. I do this. It’s like really pisses me off. I write a post and then I delete it before I post it.

00:45:06:21 – 00:45:25:11
Elliott Wald
Yeah, I just somehow it just sometimes I post it and then go fuck. And then hopefully. But like this second somehow I get what you’re saying that kind of gives you a release. Sometimes it just vents my frustration. I’ve put it out there in the world. Yeah. And I feel fucking better.

00:45:25:13 – 00:45:31:03
Ross Mac
Yeah. Yeah. Write it down is a really big thing, you know, writing the joke, you know. Then again, these are just tools.

00:45:31:05 – 00:45:33:21
Elliott Wald
To writing a journal because I think when they someone what.

00:45:33:21 – 00:45:50:12
Ross Mac
Use it. Yeah. For like, well I use so I use an app actually but I’ve got about four steps in support to write down and that’s what you’re just writing it and I’ll look and I write and you know when you go for this process, you look at you think, you know, I was wrong. You know, do affirmations or talk to the universe.

00:45:50:12 – 00:46:06:23
Ross Mac
You know, I’m big on that. You know, I’ve got a vision board. And again, they, you know, I get this stuff just further down the line of where I’m at in recovery and just I just want to be better. And I’ve made loads of mistakes and I’ve tried loads of new stuff. I’m really open to try new things, which is not always our boot up.

00:46:07:00 – 00:46:18:10
Ross Mac
But, you know, I’ll just I’ll go out and try and learn not to try and be better because I know it really helps me, you know, I know I’ve just kept on different person and walked in nine plus years ago.

00:46:18:15 – 00:46:41:19
Elliott Wald
Recovery you continually growing Ros it’s been a complete pleasure to have you here. But before we go, I’ve got one last question which I always ask my guest, and this is for the listener at home who’s struggling, right? Yeah. What advice would you give to someone who’s struggling with kind of the pack right now or listening to this, someone with an addiction that’s struggling advice would you give them?

00:46:42:00 – 00:46:43:23
Ross Mac
Yeah, there’s there’s loads of things you can do.

00:46:43:23 – 00:46:44:20
Elliott Wald
I think concise.

00:46:45:00 – 00:46:48:00
Ross Mac
Concise. I would get yourself to a recovery meeting the 12 step mean.

00:46:48:00 – 00:46:48:22
Elliott Wald
As one you’ve got three.

00:46:48:22 – 00:46:49:22
Ross Mac
Points I would Elliot.

00:46:50:03 – 00:46:50:09
Elliott Wald
Two.

00:46:50:09 – 00:46:51:12
Ross Mac
Point seven he would do that.

00:46:51:12 – 00:46:54:07
Elliott Wald
Last point.

00:46:54:09 – 00:46:58:21
Ross Mac
other than that, I would just get to a meeting. I would try and get out, get around too.

00:46:58:23 – 00:47:00:22
Elliott Wald
So.

00:47:00:24 – 00:47:02:09
Ross Mac
I would just take it day at time. So I.

00:47:02:09 – 00:47:02:20
Elliott Wald
Get that.

00:47:02:20 – 00:47:03:24
Ross Mac
Time. That’s I live my.

00:47:03:24 – 00:47:05:13
Elliott Wald
Life is three points. I love.

00:47:05:13 – 00:47:10:03
Ross Mac
That. I’ve got a question for you. Why have you had your headphones on the whole time? And I have. And I’ve just realized that.

00:47:10:05 – 00:47:14:10
Elliott Wald
I thought that earlier on, but I didn’t take as much time and effort with my hair as.

00:47:14:10 – 00:47:17:09
Ross Mac
You might as well. I just felt like, why I’m on not way.

00:47:17:11 – 00:47:30:15
Elliott Wald
I don’t know. But I did think that earlier on I was thinking, well, maybe he’s been to the hairdressers, you know, I’ve been to the barbers, which Missy earlier, I make yourself look trim and slim and beautiful. But, you know, you look handsome. It’s been my pleasure. And it’s been.

00:47:30:15 – 00:47:41:19
Ross Mac
Very nice to meet you. And I just want to say I really, really like what you’re doing. And I don’t really, you know, like I say, although I think it’s amazing. I think, you know, we both do different things, but I think we’re both on the on the journey. We just want to make a difference. And I.

00:47:41:24 – 00:47:42:12
Elliott Wald
Appreciate that.

00:47:42:13 – 00:47:44:05
Ross Mac
Rosa Yeah, I really, really admire you folks.

00:47:44:05 – 00:47:44:16
Elliott Wald
Thank you.

00:47:44:18 – 00:47:46:23
Ross Mac
Pleasure to have you. Thanks for having me. Thank you.